


Who's On Top?

by Katie_Madison



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe, But Everyone else knows they are, Complete! (Adding Epilogues), Crack Treated Seriously, Didn't Know They Were Dating, Domestic Fluff, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Humour, Icha Icha Reboot!, Icha Icha Series, Idiots in Love, Ino is a Great Writer, M/M, Post-War, Reversible Couple, The Hyuuga Reconciliation, non-epilogue compliant, the ending we deserved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-17
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2019-06-28 08:23:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 27,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15703458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katie_Madison/pseuds/Katie_Madison
Summary: Everyone in the Ninja World decides to put aside their differences, come together, and finally get a consensus about who tops and who bottoms in the multi-faceted Sasuke-X-Naruto relationship!Arguments are had, and battles are fought; will they be able to ever see eye-to-eye, and sort out this very important issue?(Too bad there was no point in asking Naruto and Sasuke about it; they hadn't even realized they were dating yet.)





	1. The Gay Icons of Konoha

**Author's Note:**

> I love the Sasuke x Naruto fandom (most of the time) but every once in a while I feel like we stand divided; split into two camps based on who we think tops in their relationship. LOL. Here's my attempt to understand this issue and bring us together in our love of SNS. :) Please Enjoy!

"Thanks for the reports, you two," said Iruka, smiling as he received Sasuke and Naruto's mission report scrolls at the mission desk. He skimmed through the contents of Sasuke's neat handwriting, nodding at the thoroughness of their performance. "Always exceptional work with you two together... but that's to be  _expected_ , I guess..." he commented with a wink, chuckling to himself as he placed the scroll in its proper pile, and checked off something on his master list. "As always, payment will arrive by the week's end."

Sasuke and Naruto both exchanged glances.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean, sensei?!" demanded Naruto, slamming his hand on the desk.

Iruka frowned. "Do you really need ramen money that badly, Naruto? I told you that you needed to manage your finances better!"

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "No. He meant the 'exceptional work with you two' part."

Iruka smiled so wide that his eyes closed. "Come off of it, boys, I know you too well. Sasuke, you don't have to lie to me about your...  _you know._ "

"Our what?" Naruto insisted, leaning forward so that his face was only a few inches from the chuunin.

"Your relationship!" said Iruka, shifting to prop his chin on his palm; as though their relationship was, in fact, the most obvious thing in the world.

"WHAT?!" Naruto screeched, reeling back from Iruka as though he had been hit. Sasuke opted to growl the same word as menacingly as he possibly could, moving around to join the blond in glaring at Iruka.

"Don't be that way, boys! Konoha's very accepting! And just about everyone ships – I mean,  _supports your relationship,_ " said Iruka, holding his hands up in a sign of innocence.

Naruto scowled. "Well, Sasuke here might be gay but I most certainly am not gay. I like girls!  _With tits_! I trained with Jiraiya for three years, sensei! And even if I was gay, why in the name of the Sage of The Six Paths would I want to be with this sex-less, Uchiha she-man?"

Sasuke managed to spare Naruto a brief exasperated look before glaring back at Iruka. "Ignore him," he said sternly, "Who started this insane rumour?"

Iruka smiled from ear to ear. "Nobody started it, Sasuke. It was more of a general acceptance of a known fact."

Sasuke smiled back mirthlessly, managing to look both insane and attractive. He was a very talented man after all, gifted with secret Uchiha abilities of attractive insanity. "That would be  _heart-warming,_ if it weren't for the fact that we aren't _in_  a relationship. Now, I'm going to ask you again; who is responsible for spreading this ridiculous bullshit?"

"Yeah!"

"Boys! Calm down-"

"So it's official, huh?" Sakura interrupted suddenly. The pair was so caught up with fuming at Iruka that they completely missed the arrival of their teammate and Hinata Hyuuga, who were now congregated behind the two boys.

"Sakura? Hinata? What's official?" asked Naruto, scratching the back of his head.

"Us, you idiot!" growled Sasuke, elbowing him in the ribs.

"Oh yeah! Us. Wait, what?" asked Naruto again.

Before anyone could answer him however, Hinata began crying, uselessly trying to hide away her tears beneath the sleeve of her jacket. "Oh Naruto," she sniffled, "I-I just want you to be h-happy. You've done so much for m-me and the village and I-I HOPE THAT SASUKE KEEPS YOU HAPPY, OKAY? "

With that, she broke out into quiet sobs, slowly retreating to one of the chairs kept by the water-cooler.

Naruto looked at Sasuke, then Sakura, then Hinata, and then at his own two hands before deciding that the most appropriate reaction to the situation was to yell, "I'M CONFUSED AS HELL. BELIEVE IT."

Sasuke rolled his eyes and addressed the weeping girl. "This isn't what it sounds like," he insisted.

"Oh really, Sasuke? Because I feel like this is  _exactly_  what it looks like," interjected Sakura. The medic ninja looked so utterly done with them that Sasuke was unable to protest. With her hands on her hips, she examined the two boys before her. "I love you both a lot so I'll support whatever you do, but I can't help but think this is ridiculous... Wasn't Naruto always in love with me? And wasn't Sasuke... always… not... in love with anybody? You know what though? _Whatever_ , as long as Naruto doesn't come limping to team meetings, I don't really care."

With a flip of her pink hair, she handed her and Hinata's scroll in, nodded to the academy sensei and sauntered out - vigorously nodding Hyuuga heiress in tow.

"Wh-Why would I be limping?" asked Naruto, staring wide-eyed at the Uchiha.

"Tch. Idiot," he replied, turning away so the other boy couldn't see his blush.

"Is it because Sakura's going to beat me up because I stole you away from her?! I don't even like you! She can have you, but I thought she got over you a long time ago! She's got horrible taste in men anyway," Naruto wondered aloud, scratching his whiskered cheeks absently.

"Oh Naruto, you won't be limping because of Sakura's jealous fists. You'll be limping because Sasuke's going to fuck you into the mattress so hard you'll forget your own name!" giggled a very gleeful Kakashi, leaning against the door-frame.

"KAKASHI!"

"ERO-SENSEI!"

"Sorry, boys, but everyone knows it's true!"

"Alright, that's  _it_! I'm going to kill the person who started this rumor!"

"Bastard! Why are you even offended? Everyone thinks _you_ top in our pretend-relationship; which would obviously never be the case in real life if we actually got together."

"Naruto, don't focus on the parts that don't matter!"

"Of course it matters! Here I am, next-in-line for Hokage, the epitome of macho, heterosexual manliness and people still think your girly ass could top mine."

"...Not only did you cry during  _The Notebook_ , which was just a bunch of sad tropes, and  _A Walk To Remember,_  which was full of bad acting, you-"

"Well, that sensitivity just adds to the gentle, chibi-seme vibe, Sasuke," interjected a saccharine voice behind them. Both guys turned around in time to see Iruka smile sweetly at them; his face pulled into an expression than neither of them had ever seen on the usually kind, diligent teacher.

"Excuse me?" ventured Sasuke, not entirely sure what the words 'chibi' or 'seme' meant.

"Oh my gosh! You're so tsundere, Sasuke! I love it - just like the typical bishie-uke!" and the chuunin continued, gushing in what appeared to be an unknown language.

"Bishie-uke?" tried Naruto, glancing over at Sasuke and trying to see if he could deduce what those words meant by staring at his friend's features.

"Oh hell no, Naruto would _totally_  be uke, he's so cute and eager and he would let Sasuke do whatever he wanted to him because he just loves to please his Ice Prince seme. And obviously Sasuke can only truly connect to his inner feelings when he's with his precious blond boyfriend," countered Kakashi as he placed one hand on his hip and the other on his chin, nodding furiously.

"Eh? EH? Ice Prince seme? Chibi seme? Bishi uke? What?!" cried Naruto, clutching his head in his hands and glaring at the two distracted senseis.

"... Is this what it feels like to be Naruto in a genjutsu?" wondered Sasuke aloud, as he searched his memory for any previous usage of those words.

"Oh, fuck off, Sasuke!"

"Well it's true, idiot! … But, in all seriousness, I have no idea what is going on."

"Same."

In the few minutes their banter had occupied, several other ninja around the mission desk had joined the senseis' conversation and were adding their own opinions.

"Obviously," said Anko, rolling her eyes, "Naruto would top. He'd be the one to take the initiative because the Uchiha's frigid... Living with Orochimaru just does that to you."

"Yeah, but as soon as he got in the mood," argued Genma, "Sasuke would definitely take control, and Naruto would love all the attention, since he's such an attention whore."

"FRIGID?"

"ATTENTION WHORE?"

"Who the hell are you? Do you know anything about us?" hissed Sasuke as Naruto nodded emphatically alongside him. "We've barely spoken to you at all!"

"Well, you guys kind of are gay icons these days," Iruka explained happily while pointedly ignoring Kakashi (who was making a very emotional speech about how semes can't have big, expressive eyes like Naruto).

The two boys whipped around. "Gay icons?" Naruto gasped.

"What the hell!" boomed Tsunade making a very grand entrance through the front doors (with Shizune and Tonton cowering behind her). "According to what I can see; Anko holding Genma in headlock, Kakashi attempting to chidori through Iruka's desk, and the two ANBU outside trying to stab each other with poisoned kunai, this is some kind of very important matter?! I refuse to let it compromise Konoha's unity! I put all out-going missions on hold until we figure this shit out!" She rolled her eyes and huffed before exiting just as quickly as she had arrived.

"Here here!" cried the ninja, pulling out notebooks and ball point pens to begin writing out their arguments for their seme of choice.

Naruto's mouth hung agape and Sasuke tried twice to unsuccessfully dispel the genjutsu that he hoped he was under.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :) I'm not super sure what to say, other than thank you for taking a chance on this very wild tale of humor and love?! I am really excited to write this kind of piece, and hope you are able enjoy this ride with me~ 
> 
> Leave me a comment with your thoughts! I'd love to hear them. Especially now that the story is over, I would be SUPER interested in reading someone's comments as they read through each chapter of the story. Of course, I am truly grateful for any kind of support; views, kudos, comments and bookmarks.
> 
> Take care!♡


	2. The Lesbian Librarian

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was honestly a little moved by the response that the introductory chapter received. I am so glad that you guys are finding this story even the least bit enjoyable. Please enjoy this super speedy update as my never-ending gratitude!

With the unparalleled speed and determination of ninjas defending their ninja way, the jounins and chuunins took off in random directions, leaving Naruto and Sasuke standing completely dumbstruck in the center of the mission hall.

Sasuke moaned low in his throat and pinched the bridge of his nose, wondering when his life had switched from being a deeply-disturbing, existentialist tragedy, to an equally-disturbing, senseless romantic comedy.

It took Naruto a few more seconds to finally recover from his shock and remove his jaw from the floor; however, unlike his Uchiha counterpart, he was never one for brooding over deep thoughts within himself. He shook his head rapidly to clear it a bit and said, "We aren't even in a relationship, so why is anyone even thinking about this weird stuff. Everyone in this village is crazy! Like, we got the whole left wing to rebuild and the Wind Country's in shambles... But our top priority is figuring out whose bits go in whose butt. Who knew people could be so serious about that kinda stuff?"

"Oh, shut up!" hissed Sasuke, embarrassment tightening his voice, as he turned to face away from his friend.

Naruto was just about to make a retort when he noticed that Sasuke had shoved his hands down his trouser pockets and was pretending to be distracted by some pebble on the floor to avoid meeting Naruto's eyes. And Naruto was no Uchiha or Hyuuga or whatever, but he was pretty sure he could see him blushing lightly.

As if on cue, Naruto could feel his own face heating up too. Had he really just said, 'Whose bits go in whose butt'?

There were a few moments of heavy silence as both parties said nothing.

At the forty-five second mark, however, Naruto cleared his throat so awkwardly that Sasuke had to look up from his feet just to glare at him. The blond gave an innocent close-eyed, teeth-baring grin.

"...Are you still taking me out for ramen?" he asked.

Sasuke rolled his eyes at his friend's single-mindedness, but nodded nonetheless.

"Fine," he said, opening the door for his companion, "So long as we stop for real food afterwards."

"Ramen!" cried Naruto, sidling up to Sasuke's side and wrapping himself quite intimately around his left arm, "Let's go!"

Sasuke was starting to see why people might speculate about the two of them, but he was never one to care for appearances. Plus, he had gotten used to the dobe's physicality over the years; it was even maybe a little comforting. They walked out of the building, and Sasuke half-listened, half-tuned-out his companion's ramblings.

"But in all honesty though," Naruto said in a suddenly serious voice as they turned onto the main road, "We should hit the library or something to look up what 'uke' and 'seme' mean."

"Hn. Not a half-bad idea."

* * *

On the other side of town, inside the therapy ward of the Konoha General Hospital, Sakura, Ino and Hinata found themselves in a rather... 'heated' discussion.

Well, rather a giggling Ino was laying lavender in each of the room's vases to encourage the sleeping patients to remain sleeping, while Hinata and Sakura whisper-screamed at each other from across the room (simultaneously monitoring the recovering patients' chakra flows).

"Hinata, I know you like how sensitive Naruto is, and I think he's sweet too, but there is just no way that Sasuke would let some weeping, tender guy be his seme! He would definitely take charge. Sasuke would do him hard and sensuous to satisfy Naruto's emotional sides and insecurities. He'd take him from the back too, making Naruto bite his pillow hard as he held him down and just possessed him completely, nails digging into his hips.  _Ohh._ Naruto's always felt so lonely, he'd love for Sasuke to bite and mark up his neck, mark him as  _his..._  And the things Sasuke would whisper into Naruto's ear - he's got such a gorgeous voice and such a vulgar tongue when he wants to - Just dirty talk and rough,  _deep_  sex, he could bring him off without a single touch to his cock. God, yes _._ That's obviously how it would go down!"

"But Sakura, you've forgotten how confident Naruto's become and how Sasuke has still not fully come to terms with himself yet. You can see it in his disconnected eyes, and how he still sighs about missing Itachi! He needs someone to dominate him; and since he's so proud and stoic in his public life, he would totally submit to Naruto in his personal life. Let him take control and give him what he really wants but would never admit. Naruto would just worship his body and tell him he's perfect too. And can you just imagine the foreplay?  _Mmm_ , Naruto would prep him so gently with his fingers and his tongue, making sure that's he's not hurt, running his tan hands all over Sasuke's pale, eager body to make him squirm and want. Sasuke would have such a beautiful flush, and he'd just beg for it by the end. Oh, please!"

Ino was panting by the time she finally finished placing the flowers in their vases. She just barely managed to reign herself in and covered her blush with her long bangs.

'Who knew these kunoichi had such  _imaginations?'_ The blonde thought, grinning wide, 'And they weren't even full-fledged fangirls yet!'

She began laughing loudly, unable to control herself. Sakura and Hinata argued some more until the volume of Ino's laughs drew their full attention. Although they were beyond aroused and completely distracted, they managed to shoot the blonde puzzled looks as she hiccuped and stuttered.

"Oh ladies," she managed finally, "There's no need to fight when we have  _Kage Bunshins,_ and roleplay!"

The puzzled expressions persisted, so Ino elaborated.

By the end of her explanation, Hinata looked mildly scandalized by the thought of using ninjutsu for sexual pleasure, but both she and Sakura followed Ino as she led them to her secret stash of yaoi hidden under the false bottom of her underwear drawer.

That night, Sakura and Hinata were both inducted into the Konoha Yaoi Association (raising the total number of members to a resounding three) and were thinking thoughts that they had never thought before.

Nevertheless, no matter how much Ino tried to make the girls see the beauty of switching, topping-from-the-bottom, and clone threesomes, each lady held her respective belief about which boy would top.

"Sasuke's jaw is too slender and his hair is too stylized. Also his skin is just begging to be ravished," mused Hinata, the greater part of her mind occupied in a yaoi fantasy, "NaruSasu is the only conclusion."

"Naruto's eyes are too emotive and his lashes are too thick. He's too short and he pouts too much," replied Sakura, more out of obligation than anything at this point as she was concentrating too hard on a high school boy's love manga she was reading, "SasuNaru makes the most sense."

"Newbs," said Ino, with a roll of her eyes.

* * *

Several bowls of ramen, two grocery bags full of rice, vegetables and assorted healthy stuff later, Sasuke and Naruto found themselves standing in front of the Konoha Library. With a bone-deep sigh, Sasuke led the two of them towards the back of the first floor where the librarians stood behind their check-out desks.

Moving to stand directly in front of a young female librarian, Naruto got straight down to business, "Hi! I'm Naruto Uzumaki! Can I get a book, hopefully one that's less than 100 pages, if you don't mind, on 'uke' - _OOMPH"_

"Ukraine! He's talking about Ukraine! Oh Naruto, that's not the proper abbreviation for Ukraine anyhow!... hehehe...What he actually means is, would you mind pointing us in the right direction for contemporary fiction novels... from Ukraine...?"

Mentally strangling himself for coming up with the worst explanation in the whole world, Sasuke aimed his most attractive grin at the young librarian and hoped she wouldn't ask them anything.

However, luck was not in Sasuke's favour. (It almost never was)

The librarian smirked right back and said, "You're super hot and all, but I'm a lesbian, baby. Not really interested... And not likely to judge, anyway. Still, since I'm obligated to answer your questions, I'll say that you can find 'Ukranian contemporary fiction novels' on floor 5, by the water coolers, specifically Aisle 521. Although, you might be more interested in the fictional and non-fictional books about homosexual culture in Aisle 356 on the third floor. My recommendation for you would be ' _An Analysis of Gay Culture: The Basics'_ but your 'friend' might enjoy an autobiography like,  _'The Secret ANBU Chronicles.'_

"Okay, " Naruto nodded, dragging a very shame-faced Uchiha up the stairs to the third floor. He only caught on to the other's embarrassment when the librarian called, "Unfortunately, babes, there's no aisle here for  _LUBE!"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to F_S, Angel+and+angle, Lily, and Bob for their comments! I really appreciate your feedback! Please feel free to comment more on later chapters : ) And if you didn't comment last chapter, be sure to do so this time, I make sure to reply back within a few hours; it's such a treat to interact with you guys about SasuNaruSasu~
> 
> I would be so incredibly stoked to hear what more of you think, so please feel free to leave me your thoughts, criticisms, and ideas.


	3. The Dictionary

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At some point, I feel like I'm going to really write out the sex scenes that Hinata and Sakura were thinking about... Please look forward to it as an epilogue! Although I don't see the rating for this story going above an 'M,' adding those kinds of chapters would definitely make this 'E'... I'll have to think about it!
> 
> And, of course, enjoy this chapter too!

"Ah, God bless us lesbians," whispered the librarian, as she checked out a ninja girl with bright red hair and a barely zipped-up lilac shirt near the medical reference section, "And God bless them gay boys. Amen."

Konohamaru, upon hearing these whisperings, decided that today was not the day to check out the complete DVD set of  _Boys Over Flowers._ He backed his way out of the building quickly, but not before he heard his ex-boss's voice drift down from many floors above.

***

"B-But Sasuke, I don't think I can bend like that!" yelped Naruto, pointing at the centerfold of the giant book of archived gay magazines that the Sharingan user was leafing through. It depicted a slender man bent straight over the arm of a fancy purple velvet armchair with his arms pinned to his lower back by another man not in the frame. He wore nothing but smudged black eyeliner and was giving the camera a hungry look.

"I would never ask you to bend in that way, anyway, stupid," Sasuke replied automatically, instinctively trying to put down the blond. "Also what would be the point?" he said, tilting the book sideways, "In this sort of position, the guy pinning this model down wouldn't be able to see his face. What's the point of doing this kind of thing if I can't even see your face? Unless you were to… I guess, uncomfortably look over your shoulder or something…"

"Yeah, that looks like it would be a bit uncomfortable," commented the blond; as usual, missing the subtle slight at the beginning.

It took them both a good ten seconds (during which Sasuke replaced the book on its designated shelf) to contextually realize what they had just said.

"Or any other way!" Sasuke blurted out, balling his hands into fists by his sides in defense, "I wouldn't want you in any way! Who wants to even see your dumb face?"

"Well even if you asked, I wouldn't!" Naruto blurted right back, waving his hands in a vaguely negative gesture, but he kept nervously glancing back at the book, "And I most certainly don't want to bend you in that way, or any other way, either! Who would even want to see your mostly gross, and only _slightly_ handsome face full of ecstasy, biting your lips as you were held down and spread apart; wanting more because it felt so good, despite your pride not allowing you to admit your neediness."

"...What?"

"What what?!"

Sasuke glared at his suddenly shifty-eyed friend suspiciously, eyes squinting narrower and narrower, while Naruto's own eyes frantically widened to the size of dinner plates.

"WHY DON'T WE JUST READ THIS, UHHHH, DICTIONARY?" he cried, breaking the tension by turning 180 degrees, selecting a random book, and shoving it in Sasuke's hands.

"This isn't a dictionary! It says 'Yaoi' on it! It's also a manga!" yelled Sasuke.

Sasuke was not really sure why he was yelling, (especially in a library) but yelling at the blond was a far better option, in his opinion, than examining the weird constriction that had appeared in his chest when Naruto's fingers touched his own when he had handed him the book.

Was this some kind of hormonal thing? Sasuke got through hearing Karin's extremely vocal, daily masturbation sessions in the apartment next door and felt nothing! Now Naruto grazes his fingers, light as a moth, and he starts 'feeling' things? The dobe's got some nerve eliciting such responses, how dare he!?

"Yaoi could mean 'Dictionary' in gay for all you know! And my old genjutsu manual was a manga, I'll have you know," Naruto retorted, inwardly acknowledging that he sounded like a real idiot (although he made sure his voice sounded as confident as possible). He wasn't really focusing on his words anyway; he really wanted to touch Sasuke again.

No, punch Sasuke.

Lightly, with his fingers, brushing his face?

Argh! He wanted to punch Sasuke for making him not want to punch Sasuke! What did he do, shoot an electric impulse down his fingers when they brushed together that made him feel... feelings? Could he even do that? Was that a possibility? Should he touch him again and see?

"Naruto, 'gay' isn't a whole other language, it's just a sub-culture. And your manga-manual is probably the reason why you can't tell your feet from your hands once you're stuck in an illusion!" tried Sasuke, glaring at Naruto's headband instead of his stupidly handsome blue eyes, once again futilely trying to continue their fight (for some semblance of normality). 

"...Nuh-uh!" said Naruto, not even attempting to meet Sasuke's eyes anymore, as he examined his own treacherous hand creeping closer and closer to Sasuke's.

How bad could a chidori through the chest be anyway? He'd survived them twice before, right? 

"Oh, what the fuck?!" cried Sasuke, growing tired of this dumb (even by their standards) argument. He tucked the stupid manga under his left arm, and grabbed Naruto's outstretched hand with his right hand, trying not to think about how warm and right it felt to touch him.

He led them both to a sofa and sat down, Naruto following blindly, staring at Sasuke's blue-black hair. He was doing the electric thing again, his whole arm felt hot, but he didn't even look like he knew that he was doing it! What the hell kind of next level jutsu was this?

"Let's just read this damn... whatever it is..." muttered Sasuke.

Propping the book up in between their two laps, the boys began reading Naruto's selection, holding onto the edge of their book's respective side. They tried really hard not to think about whether or not their interior hands were still linked together. (They were.) 

The book wasn't a dictionary, (obviously) but Sasuke wasn't sure if it was actually more informational than any dictionary could have been.

They left the library without checking out a single item. They didn't speak to each other on the way back, or at least, they didn't speak to each other about their weird morning, or the manga. They spoke about training, and the new tomato garden Sasuke was growing, the latest mission they'd been on, and these ninja cats that kept harassing Naruto with a whole bunch of 'strange questions' (that sounded suspiciously like Nekobaa's latest attempts at meddling in Sasuke's life).

And then before they knew it, Sasuke was asleep on Naruto's couch for the third night in a row.

Naruto didn't have any dreams and slept like a log, while Sasuke had a dream that he was back at the academy and the librarian girl had handed him a quiz of gay terminology. He had copied all the answers of off Naruto who ended up received a C+.

He woke up right before he received his own mark.

***

Had someone told Mikoto Uchiha that she would one day see the Fourth Hokage aim a rasengan at her eldest son with a killing intent, she would have laughed. No, no, Itachi loved the Hokages and the Hokages loved him. Why would any Hokage attack the boy who loved the Konoha village more than  _anything_  in the whole wide world?

Well, loved Konoha more anything in the world except Sasuke.

Oh.

"Face it, Hokage-sama," spirit-Itachi sing-songed, as he artfully dodged a barrage of spirit-Minato's shuriken, "The facts are laid out in front of you~"

The normally calm man scowled. "There is no way, and I mean absolutely no way in the whole entire world, that your girly little brother could top my handsome, powerful, confident young man. And I mean  _no way!_ "

"Hokage-sama, does it really matter all that much anyway? I mean, I understand that certain people commented on the feminine visage of your younger self, but there is no need to project such insecurities on your own son. Whoops!~"

Itachi almost didn't swerve fast enough to dodge that last attack.

But then again.

It's not like it mattered at this point.

"Curse you, Itachi!" cried the Fourth, clutching his blond hair in frustration. Maybe if he were more manly, then Naruto wouldn't have to be topped by the emotionally-stunted Uchiha? "NO," he cried, shaking his head side to side, but it was too late; the idea had taken root.

Itachi laughed softly. Although the Fourth had some great points in favor of NARUsasu, they were no match for the late twenty year old's manipulation tactics in favour of SASUnaru.

Secretly though, he too thought that Naruto would top in their relationship; he was only promoting the narrative that Sasuke would top because he was his brother.

As _if_ his Otouto would ever be physical enough to start anything. The boy hadn't even realized that he was sexually attractive until his late teens; so when was he going to start seeing  _himself_  in a sexual way, his thirties? Naruto, on the other hand, wouldn't need time to sort himself out like that; he would seize and act. Wouldn't even stop till Otouto passed out (or smacked him).

Itachi was just being a little shit.

What? He was only twenty for God's sakes; and he hadn't even really 'lived out' his teenage years as a normal individual. He was supposed to be insolent sometimes, and it's not like he  _really_  upset anyone with his antics, right?

"I'm so sorry, Naruto-kun! Please forgive your old man! I was just joking when I apologized for being late to the Final Battle, but I am really seriously sorry now!" Minato screamed.

Or not.

Shrugging, the young man floated away and went to go find Shisui.

"God bless your child, Mikoto, God bless him," giggled Kushina Uzumaki as she sat atop a white cloud with her friend.

"Say, Fugaku," she called suddenly to the spirit resting face-down on a cloud some meters above them. "What do you think of all of this?"

"Hm?" The ex-clan head flipped onto his back and pondered briefly. "I think," he started gravely, "That I would rather literally eat a bag of rocks, as opposed to think about my son's sex life."

Kushina merely pouted, Mikoto looked shocked, and Fugaku winced. This Uzumaki woman was really persistent. "Humour me; there aren't any rocks in heaven anyways," the redhead insisted.

"I didn't think my death would involve me wishing that I could eat a bag of rocks, but here we are," Fugaku solemnly shook his head, "Well... I would venture a guess that my son would take a more dominant role in their relationship; just based on the rhythm their interactions follow. Naruto is a gifted leader of the people; however, Sasuke gives him logic and sense that Naruto follows in his personal life. That is all.'

With that, he floated away from the annoying Uzumaki. He too went to go find his ex-clans-members.

It was only after the man had floated a good hundred metres away that Kushina began giggling again. Mikoto laughed awkwardly. "Kushina, please," she tried, "You don't have to tell me about how you think Naruto will t-"

Kushina's giggling erupted into full blown laughter. "Oh no, Mikoto, oh no... You see, I fully believe that Sasuke will 'take the wheel' in the bedroom. It would definitely be more logical and natural for them. I think Sasuke would make my little boy feel  _desirable_ , I mean Sasuke is the most desirable man ever!... Of this time period, I mean (Is Minato even listening?) Anyways, Naruto's always wanted Sasuke's everything,  _to be_  Sasuke's everything; finally being the center of his attention like that would be perfect! They could make eye contact all the way through their climaxes, and Sasuke could spoon him afterwards. Naruto would love that! Somebody needs to spoon Naruto! He deserves it!"

Mikoto heard a distant wailing in the background. Sadly, at this point, it was a familiar wailing to her ears.

"Oh great, not only is Naruto going to be topped, he's also going to be the  _little_ spoon? Why? WHY?"

The Uchiha matriarch smiled, at a complete and utter loss for words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it such a crime to want to believe that all of the spirits are peacefully floating around on clouds after their passing, looking down below on their favorite people? Allow my sappy self to provide you with this head-canon. :) Also, I absolutely love writing this kind of Itachi; a little humorous, sarcastic and teasing. I really hope you didn't hate the characterization!
> 
> Special thanks to Lily and sparrow_hawk13 for their comments, and to all those who left kudos. I see you and appreciate it ~
> 
> I look forward to knowing everyone's thoughts on this chapter as well! Please take care!


	4. Attack on Heterosexuality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! The author references shows that she really has no right to be referencing, please forgive her.
> 
> LOL, you don't really need to know anything about any other media to enjoy this chapter; I barely understand my own damn references. 
> 
> Please teach me about how to reference in the comments below! LMAO.
> 
> Please enjoy!

Naruto woke with a start and quickly began hyperventilating. Was that just?!... Did he just!?... "D-Dad?" he ventured out quietly, squinting in the darkness. He could have  _sworn_ he had heard his own father's voice just there!

"No, dobe. Just me," mumbled Sasuke from the floor beside Naruto's bed.

"O-Oh. Okay then. I thought I..." Naruto shook his head side to side vigorously to clear his head and then sighed. "Well, whatever..." he breathed out softly, "What are you doing here anyways?"

"Hn. It was cold in the living room so I came here to sleep," replied Sasuke. Naruto leant over the side of his mattress and saw his friend sleeping more or less  _under_  his bed; only his pale feet and left arm were visible. Sasuke was so weird.

"Were the bed bugs good company?" Naruto asked teasingly, swinging his legs over and stretching.

"Very," was the solemn response he received. Shrugging, the blond sidestepped the pseudo-awake Uchiha and made his way to the washroom.

Halfway through his teeth-brushing session, Naruto noticed the smell of scrambled eggs wafting in and smiled. The one plus side to Sasuke's seemingly-permanent residence in his apartment were the fresh-cooked meals the dark-haired boy prepared around the clock.

If Naruto promised to wash the dishes, Sasuke could even be persuaded to make (healthy) ramen.

Finishing up his morning routine, Naruto flounced on into his kitchen. "It smells great!" he said happily, sitting down in front of a heaped pile of eggs, hash browns and onigiri. Sasuke hmmed in acknowledgement and added some salt to the eggs he was still stirring. He had learned, over the years, that although Naruto loved ramen, the rest of his tastes gravitated towards milder, ready-made foods. He himself, however, always tried to include something traditionally Japanese in his cooking, thus the odd menus.

Secretly, Sasuke thought they suited the two of them.

Naruto bounced around in his seat until Sasuke's plate was also filled and he had taken a seat beside him. Grinning, he pressed his hands together, said thanks, and tucked in to his food, ignorant to the soft smile tugging at the corners of his companion's lips; although, in Naruto's defense, that companion was probably ignorant to his own smile.

Sasuke was ignorant a lot of the time, after all, especially when it came to his behavior around Naruto.

After pouring them both a glass of orange juice, Naruto placed his hands on his hips and frowned. "You know, if Tsunade's really serious, and she's rarely  _not_ serious, then that means we have time off today."

"Technically," Sasuke thought aloud, swirling his juice around in his glass, "We have time off indeterminably. Who knows how long they'll take to decide their stupid answer?"

The two finished their drinks as slowly as possible, not really sure what to do afterwards. They could probably train, but the two subconsciously realized that walking into a training ground full of high-ranking ninja currently obsessed with their private lives was probably notthe smartest choice.

"You know, we haven't just  _hung out_ in a while..." tried Naruto, scratching the back of his neck. "We could watch some action flicks and order in take-out?"

Sasuke was stunned into speechlessness.

Naruto's face briefly fell and he started rubbing his arm and looking away," W-Well, unless you want to go home and like... do stuff... alone... without me... WHICH IS FINE TOO. I don't NEED you to stay here but-"

"Okay. Sorry, I was... thinking."

"Huh?"

"I'll stay and watch movies with you but no take-out, I'll cook."

"Cool! I mean..." Naruto cleared his throat, "Cool."

"...Usuratonkachi, don't try to act 'cool,' it doesn't suit you."

Naruto pouted. Putting on a ridiculously low voice he stood on his tiptoes and said, "Well, of course not. The great Ice Prince Seme, Sasuke, has spoken and us peasants must comply."

Sasuke choked on his juice.

And then Naruto tilted his head down and looked forward through his lashes, making his eyes look rounder and more glassy. He repeatedly pressed together his forefingers and furrowed his brows, "Or maybe we have to comply to tsundere!SasUKE, or, or else!" he shouted in a girly, strained pitch, "I mean, i guess it is in your name after all!" he finished, laughing in his regular voice.

Sasuke scoffed and rushed off to Naruto's pile of CDs and movies, trying to hide his flush. "First of all, you need to sort this crap out, and secondly, now that you  _know_ what that terminology means, why would you use it?!"

"I don't know! To get a rise out of you?"

"Well now you've aroused me, congratu-fucking-lations!"

"...I didn't mean to  _a-arouse_  you, you giant perv!"

"What? Oh shut up, not  _that_ kind of arouse!"

"What other kind of arouse is there?!"

"How about you shut the fuck up or I'll put on  _A Walk to Remember_  again... and won't let you cuddle me."

"IT WAS  _ONE TIME!"_

"MORE LIKE ONE  _HUNDRED_ TIMES, LOSER."

Naruto blushed darkly but was determined to say something back to the taunting Uchiha, who was already regretting this line of dialogue. "Well, then why did you let me, huh? You could have pushed me away, or stopped the movie, or told me to get lost, but you didn't-"

"N-Naruto, wait-" Sasuke interjected, sensing that Naruto was going to take this conversation into a direction that neither of them were ready for.

Naruto, however, steamrolled right on through, taking small steps into Sasuke's personal space.

"-But you didn't! You didn't do anything. You let me snuggle right into your stupid shirt and you  _hugged me right back, don't think I forgot_ , touching my hair all gently and pulling me into your lap. Now, what does  _that_ say about  _you?_ HMMM?!"

Sasuke could think of a number of things that those actions said about him (did he really try and bring Naruto into his  _lap?_ Was he insane?) and he was willing to entertain none of them. He shut his eyes as though physically trying to force the weird thoughts from his head as the two ninjas faced off at an uncomfortably close distance. Naruto didn't seem to notice that he was inhaling the other's exhales; and Sasuke was backed up against the T.V., unable to move at all.

"...I can explain," explained Sasuke. He just hoped the dobe hadn't put two and two together already.

"Then say it!" said Naruto, wondering why he suddenly felt warm thinking of the other's long fingers carding through his own hair.

"Well, it gets very cold in the evenings and you're really warm... So, being near you is just a survival tactic," Sasuke finished lamely.

Naruto folded his arms over his chest and squinted, "Says the boy who can literally  _breathe fire_!"

Sasuke, recognizing an escape, schooled his face into as neutral a facade as possible and said, "...I'll keep that in mind then, next time."

Naruto tsked and rolled his eyes. "Whatever. It's not like  _I_ mind, but if  _you_ do, I'll just seek comfort in Kakashi sensei's arms."

"Just try it and see what I'll do," growled Sasuke; his sharingan forming instantly as his body crackled with chackra.

"PLUSHIE Kakashi sensei's arm! Ero-Sasuke!"

"Oh," the Uchiha murmured quietly, eyes fading into black. Naruto rolled his eyes again and went back to his sofa. "But it's not my fault you omit the most important details," Sasuke justified.

"And it's not my fault that you don't ask for clarification and jump to pervy conclusions," Naruto said back.

"...Oh shut up!" groaned Sasuke, flopping onto the sofa as well, sinking as deep into the soft material as he could with his dignity still intact.

Naruto grinned at his victory in his latest verbal spat with Sasuke. Siddling right on up to the slouchy Uchiha for the second time that day, Naruto wrapped himself around his left arm and pressed a few buttons on his remote.

"Oh, I checked out the first season of  _Attack on Titan_ a while back, you want to marathon it?" he asked, completely forgetting about what they had just been arguing about.

"Hn," grumbled out Sasuke, in neither agreement nor disagreement, as he wondered what exactly was going on between him and Naruto.

All through the first two episodes, while Naruto threw things at the ugly titans and screeched his opinions at the main characters, Sasuke pondered their relationship.

It was only when Naruto paused the show and grabbed his chin that Sasuke was broken out of his thoughts.

"You know," said the blonde, twisting his face this way and that, "You kind of look like Mikasa."

"Isn't that the girl?" questioned Sasuke as Naruto tilted his jaw down towards his neck, before suddenly jolting it to the left. He hadn't really been paying attention, and all the foreign names were hard to keep track of, but Mikasa sounded recognizably Japanese and female.

"Yeah, I guess," Naruto shrugged.

"Fantastic."

"Better than looking like a titan."

"Looking like  _you_ would be better than looking like a titan, Naruto."

"Hey!" cried Naruto, releasing his chin and orienting himself sideways so he could face Sasuke better. "I'll have you know," he said, "That Sakura told me that my looks improved the most since childhood!"

Sasuke scoffed, "That isn't necessarily a compliment..."

"...Damn, you're right." Naruto sighed and shook his head fondly before twisting to grab the remote to un-pause the video.

"...Say, you don't still like...  _like_  Sakura, do you?" asked Sasuke, hoping he sounded less nervous than he felt.

"No, I don't," the blond answered slowly, eyeing Sasuke suspiciously all the while, "Why, do  _you?"_ he sounded scandalized.

"Of course not!" Sasuke spluttered, "Just wondering. You used to be so hung up on her, and now you're not, but I didn't know if you were just being more subtle or if you had moved on or what..."

"Well, I have. Moved on."

"Good."

"Good."

There was a moment of silence until Naruto whispered into Sasuke's ear, "And you were just frigid to begin with, right?"

Sasuke flushed and pinned Naruto to the hand-rest of the sofa. "Stop using sexual words in non-sexual contexts! Do you even know what you sound like?" he said, voice laced with frustration.

"But I learned so many new words and I want to show them off! What's the point if I don't?" Naruto shot back teasingly, trying to wiggle his way out of the other's hold.

"Then get into a sexual situation and use them then!" screamed Sasuke, pushing harder against the squirming limbs.

Naruto rolled them onto the floor, reversing their positions so that he could pin Sasuke's arms down. "Okay, but do you even know what you sound like?" he screamed right back.

And suddenly the two boys were in a deadlock staring competition, breathing heavily and with no idea as to when this all began (although they both knew it was far before the incident at the mission desk), what was currently happening, how they ended up like this,  _why_  they ended up like this, and where they were going to move from there.

Typical.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh! Things are heating up~ I'm really excited for all the things to come after this halfway point! Thank you for reading this fic thus far; hopefully I can keep you satisfied for the rest of our journey together : ) 
> 
> A huge thank you to sparrow_hawk13, dvl, Ozaz, Lily, and Ness for their comments, and everyone who bookmarked or gave kudos! I appreciate it so much, and feel so encouraged to write more! Please let me know your thoughts; I am always diligent in responding to all types of comments because I really do take feedback seriously!
> 
> Special shout out to Ness for the very funny SasUKE joke, lol. Can't believe this fic is over 5000 words in, and I managed to forget about that fandom classic.
> 
> Take care!


	5. First Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summer vacation is coming to a close and everything is starting back up again. Yikes... ( + _+) Seems like I should start sticking to a weekly update schedule; maybe Wednesday night, to celebrate half the week being over?! Good luck to everyone working, going to school, and pursuing new projects!
> 
> Hope you can enjoy this chapter! This fic has gotten so long, thanks for staying with me so far ~

"The mission desk is absolutely frantic! Jounins are walking out with three or four scrolls, genin teams that graduated two weeks ago are working C-rank missions back-to-back and civilians are waving around huge stacks of bills, screaming out for ninja help!" called Temari as she wrapped a bandage around her left leg with her left hand and signed off on a mission's report with her right. "Where are all our support ninja!?"

"I don't know, you're the one who's dating the Konoha Ambassador!" cried a hysteric sounding voice from inside the special weapons supply closet across the room.

"Kankuro, nobody's talking to you!" Temari screamed back. "I'm talking to Gaara! Gaara?"

"I sent a sand clone yesterday evening," answered the muffled voice of the Kazekage from behind the skyscrapers of paper work that covered every square inch of his office. "It has been given orders to dispel itself only after confirming that at least twenty-five mid-to-high ranking ninja are coming back into the country."

Temari grunted in acknowledgement as Kankuro peered his head of the closet.

"I don't know, bro, I still think Temari should at least  _ask_ Shikamaru. I mean what else is he good for then?"

"I don't know, bro, why don't you shut the fuck up forever before I beat you?"

"Oh,  _very_  creative."

Gaara paused in his work to sigh deeply. He had re-assigned his usual secretarial assistants to the mission desk, as they needed more help there, and his siblings had decided to 'help' him here. So far, Kankuro had re-organized the weapons closet that didn't need re-organization, and Temari had blown several stacks of paper over in her efforts to dry the fresh ink signatures faster.

He prayed for his clone to return quickly.

"Fuck you, you ugly hag! I'd rather stay single for life than be with someone like your useless, boring boyfriend!"

Gaara wasn't even a little surprised when his desk was blown over by chakra-filled wind.

***

The Konoha boys stared intensely at each other from their awkward position until Naruto broke the silence with an awkward cough.

"So uh, now what?" he asked, moving a hand to scratch the back of his neck.

"Well for starters, you could get off of me," came the Uchiha's tired sounding reply. The sudden, tense energy that had sprung up between the two had dissipated as soon Naruto spoke, and Sasuke wanted to bang his head against a wall; he had been so sure Naruto was going to lean forward and just  _kiss_  him already.

Naruto didn't get off of Sasuke though. Instead he crossed his legs and wiggled around a bit to get comfortable, as though preparing for a long talking session."No, I meant between the two of us. There's a thing between us. We need to do something about the thing."

Sasuke felt that head-against-wall-banging desire resurface. Whenever he and Naruto got to talking about anything (let alone feelings) it took hours and they ended up nowhere; or even  _more_ confused and angry than when they started (what with their mutually poor verbal communication skills).

"Well for starters, you could get off of me," Sasuke repeated, deciding then and there to be as blunt as possible.

Naruto pouted and interrupted, "Sasuke!"

"-so I can kiss you."

"Huh!?"

"You're right, for once. There is 'a thing' between us but it'll be easier to explore what it is through our actions than our words… If kissing doesn't feel right then we can talk it out, but right now I can't find the words to describe what I'm... what we're... ugh,  _this…_ I just know that… I want to kiss you now, and it's not an...  _entirely_ new feeling."

"Hm. Just like with our fighting. I always understand you best on the field, right? Or maybe not. I mean... I want to kiss you too, so we're already on the same page there," Naruto shoved at Sasuke's shoulder gently.

"Yeah... Hopefully, we'll understand each other like that, here, or even better. For one, let's try not to kill each other in any way this time," Sasuke's delivery was so deadpan that Naruto burst out laughing.

The blond smiled brilliantly, and Sasuke couldn't help but grin alongside him.

"Let's do it!"

Naruto uncrossed his legs and positioned them on either side of Sasuke's hips. He intertwined the fingers of his right hand with Sasuke's left and moved his own left hand to grip the other's dark blue hair. He lowered his lips just as Sasuke encircled Naruto's waist with his free hand.

Just before their lips touched, Sasuke whispered, "I think we should close our eyes."

Naruto didn't even bother trying to ask why, but he obeyed instinctively, trustingly.

When he finally felt the softness of the other's lips against his own, his entire body felt electrified, and he saw bright white sparks explode beneath his eyelids. He wanted to open his eyes then, but he couldn't because there was something hot and foreign and tense growing deep inside him. It traveled everywhere; down his legs, his arms, and made everything tense; his eyelids squeeze shut.

His skin felt sensitive where Sasuke's warmth seeped through his clothes. His heart pounded furiously against his chest and Naruto realized, somewhere in the back of his mind, that there was no way he could pretend that this -  _whatever_  this was - had never happened. It felt too overwhelming; maybe even perfect. He curled his hands at the base of Sasuke's neck and parted his lips against his mouth, eager to move forward with all of his typical drive, passion and consequences-be-damned determination.

This is was good; they were good - he knew it. He wanted more. 

Sasuke parted his lips immediately after Naruto, and responded in kind with licks and soft sucks; he gained way into the other's mouth and groaned. Naruto's lips were chapped and insistent, but yielding and perfectly slotted against his. It took all of his willpower not to moan aloud once their tongues finally met and begin to move together. It was sensuous and hot, and he couldn't help but slip his hand under Naruto's jacket and shirt to run it down the side of his body. Running his tongue along the roof of the other's mouth, Sasuke relished in the tiny shivers and soft moans that his touch illicited. He inhaled sharply when Naruto pulled apart from him, hypnotized by the sight of his blown-open pupils and red, bruised lips.

Chest still heaving with pants, Naruto quickly shed both his jacket and shirt before standing up and extending a hand downward. Sasuke took a moment to stare up at the most amazing boy ever created until Naruto grinned his most charming, eye-crinkling smile and waved his hand in front of him.

After accepting the help up, Sasuke immediately pulled Naruto's body flush against his own, liking the way their upright position meant that every inch of their fronts touched. He pressed their lips together, kissing him hard and intensely, unable to hold back his voice when Naruto tilted his head just so and ran his tongue against the underside of his own. When Sasuke's mind had just begun to catalog the movements that made the blonde create those perfect, little sex noises, he felt warm, broad hands insistently lifting up his shirt. He pulled the garment off quickly, and pressed his body back against Naruto; hissing as their bare skin finally met, and Naruto lowered his head to kiss along his jaw and down his neck.

"Nhhn... N-Naruto," he managed to choke out, after Naruto latched onto a particularly sensitive area of skin just below his ear and sucked hard, teeth scraping gently. "Let's get to the bedroom."

"Sure," replied Naruto, lifting his head back up to rest their foreheads against each other. He closed his eyes momentarily, moaning low at the feeling of Sasuke wrapping one arm around his waist and intertwining another in his messy hair, pulling hard at the strands so he could suck and bite at his pulse point. "Haahhh, let's get -  _ah_  - going then?" he re-prompted, slightly surprised at his own enjoyment of the rough treatment, but eager to explore some more.

Sasuke moved away from the other's skin reluctantly and nodded his head quickly. He tugged on one of his friend's orange belt loops and dragged him to the bedroom. They continued kissing and touching one another until they made their way on to the bed, with Naruto resting against the small headboard and Sasuke kneeling over him.

Breaking away from a particularly heated kiss, Naruto couldn't help but blurt out, "So... How  _exactly_ are we going to manage this?"

Sasuke looked confused, exasperated, and amused all at once. "What's wrong with what we were doing just now?" he retorted, sliding one hand up and down the other's torso, stopping several times to tease his favorite sensitive spots.

"N-Nothing! I meant like, who's going to top?" Naruto explained in a tight voice, wishing he hadn't spoken up in the first place. It wasn't like they were going to go all the way on the very same day as their first kiss. He blushed at the surprised look on Sasuke's face and looked away.

"We can both 'top,' I guess," Sasuke says, tilting the other's chin right back up to meet his eyes. "Neither of us has ever done any of this sort of stuff before... We can take our time and explore what we both like."

"You mean we don't have to be just one thing?"

"I don't see why not... And even if it  _is_ the norm for each person to be set in a specific role in a relationship, since when does the norm ever apply to us?"

"You're right! Let's do what feels right. And... It feels selfish to say but I want all of you; the parts of you when you top and the parts of you when you bottom."

"Mhm. Guess we're a good fit because I'm selfish and want all of you too."

And with that, the two boys fell back into a passionate rhythm of kissing and touching, both of their bodies heating up fast. Before long, they had stripped each other naked and were lying side by side on Naruto's small mattress. The blond couldn't stop grinning and running his hands through Sasuke's messy, tousled hair and Sasuke was having a hard time pulling himself away from the addictive taste of Naruto's mouth to go any further.

Summoning up all his strength, he moved away from Naruto and intertwined their hands together. "Okay," he started awkwardly, struggling hard to find the words to convey what he wanted to say in the least perverted way possible, "We don't have to, and I don't want to force you to do anything you're, - I mean we're, not ready for... But do you want to try-"

"Sasuke, I've been dying to cum for the past ten minutes and I'm going to die if you make me hold out any longer, and really it's your fault for groping my inner thighs like that, I'm sensitive," declared Naruto, entirely ignoring Sasuke's roundabout question. He wrapped Sasuke's hand around his hard length before moving to wrap his own hand around Sasuke's.

"So, I want to jerk you off while you fist my cock," he summarized succinctly.

"Oh God, Naruto, you can't just say things like that, you're so-, _damn_ ," growled Sasuke, feeling impossibly aroused at Naruto's straight-forward dirty talk. He leaned in to kiss his perfect blond lover senseless as the two boys stroked themselves in unison, getting closer and closer to the brink, but they needed more _._ Sasuke then pushed Naruto's hand away from him, and wrapped his hand around both of their lengths, tightly, moving them together at a harsh pace, not caring to be gentle when they were both so-,

"AHH, Ah, ah _, ah!_  Sasuke!" Naruto cried, burying his face in Sasuke's shoulder as he came, breathless and amazed. He wrapped one of his hands over Sasuke's own still moving hand and pressed down even harder and faster, trying to ride out each wave of his orgasm and push Sasuke into his climax.

Sasuke finally bit down on his lip as he came hard, trembling and euphoric, all over their joint hands. Panting hard, he threw his clean arm over his eyes and tried to categorize every sensation he felt coming down from his high. Naruto let out a slow whistle just as Sasuke's heart returned to an almost normal pace, and Sasuke reached down to draw Naruto's garishly patterned sheets over their tired bodies.

Sasuke was exhausted, both physically and emotionally, and wanted nothing more to relax or maybe cuddle up and sleep, but then-,

"Do you want to go again?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to Lily, uzumakidaddy, sparrow_hawk13, Ness, Mac, and dvl for their comments! I love to hear your thoughts, and always make sure to respond and take requests, criticisms, and recommendations! :) Come talk to me~ 
> 
> Take care!


	6. The Kazekage's Woes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've missed you all so much! I've missed Naruto too! I'd be ecstatic if you could enjoy the latest update to this story even after this long wait! Please leave your thoughts~
> 
> This fic will be over soon! I'm so excited~ I already have a few more that I want to write! Including a coda and an epilogue to this story too. I've gotten so invested; and your comments make my mind wander into all these vast territories and I want to pursue them! =w=
> 
> Also, I am not sure if we have crossed the line into explicit? Let me know!

"Are you insane? It's been three minutes!" cried Sasuke, voice muffled from the pillow he had buried himself into.

"Three minutes too long, if you ask me," ventured Naruto, trailing one feather-light finger down the other's spine. Though the blond felt tiny responsive shivers, Sasuke said nothing for quite some time.

Slowly, a suspicious dark eye peered out from under black hair, narrowing at the entirely too-alert face of one Naruto Uzumaki, "What are you, a rabbit or something? You need to calm your hormones."

"Or maybe you need Viagra, old man!"

With a groan that certainly was more suited to someone several decades older than him, Sasuke turned to face away from Naruto and towards the adjacent window. "First off, I'm going to go ahead and say you're the one who needs medication if your refractory period is ten seconds. Plus, I'm only two months older than you, dobe," he retorted.

"And apparently those two months," continued Naruto, ignoring the first part of his rival's words in favour of a quick insult at the other's expense, "Mean that you can't get it up! How are you ever going to keep up with my young, vigorous sexuality?"

"What are you, Gai sensei? Masturbate then," Sasuke intoned, wiping a hand down his scowling face.

After a few seconds of suspicious silence from his partner, Sasuke finally turned around and observed him. His giggling lover was currently sitting cross-legged on his pillow, right in front of his face, with one hand propped under his grinning face, and the other one loosely wrapped around his throbbing, erect-

"I cannot BELIEVE this shit!" Sasuke automatically yelled, shoving the boy onto the floor. However, before he could get a word in edgewise about how wrong it was to  _jerkoff right beside someone's head just as they were waking up, a mere THREE MINUTES after-_

"GUESS YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO  ** _BELIEEEEEEVE IT, DATTEBAYOOOOOO_** ~"

Sasuke heard crows cawing in the distance; startled, no doubt, by the sounds of Naruto's gigantic bellow. Their voices sounded like laughter. Mocking laughter. But Sasuke couldn't be mad. Not really, at least, because the littlest Uchiha knew that he had walked  _right_  into that one, and deserved it.

After all, it was to be expected of Naruto, the number one unpredictable ninja.

Face-palming and heading off to the bathroom, Sasuke stepped right over the young man who was quite literally, rolling on the floor laughing.

"Give me five minutes and I'll show you vigorous, Naruto..." he said darkly, glancing over his shoulder with swirling red, Sharingan eyes.

Naruto's gulp was audible even through the pattering sound of the running shower, and Sasuke felt his mouth curl up into a smirk in spite of himself.

***

If Gaara wasn't Gaara, then Naruto and Sasuke may have been able to detect a foreign chakra presence hovering right outside their window in time to save their modesty. 

However, since Gaara was Gaara, and Gaara's clone was also Gaara, he was able to expertly avoid being detected as he peeped into his friend's bedroom activities.

Pressing his already thin lips even tighter together, he choked down any sound of expression he wanted to make, and simply observed the scene before him as calmly and rationally as possible.

Gaara's clone had been on his merry way to the Hokage's office, when he had heard a murder of crows begin to caw 'Aho! aho!' in the most peculiar fashion, some few hundred metres away from his position. Recognizing that that region also contained the humble abode where his friend Naruto resided, the Kazekage's clone had decided to check in with the boisterous man before he continued his journey to the Hokage's tower.

'This visit has nothing to do with the small, harmless crush that Temari thinks that I have on this impossible man, it is only for checking on his safety and well-being,' clone-Gaara had repeated to himself, trying hard to school his face into a mask of pleasant calmness.

When he had heard the object of his ~~affection~~ , _excuse me_ , attention, panting and huffing strenuously in the back of the house, it was with pure, honest-to-God concern that Gaara had scampered around to the blonde's bedroom window, cloaked his chakra, and hid behind a tree.

'If Naruto is in any... distress, as he sounds to be, I wouldn't want to further alarm him by surprising him with a visit, better just assess the situation from out here,' he had internally mused, nodding slightly at how convincing his rationalizations were.

Positioning himself for maximum view and optimal invisibility, Gaara had looked into Naruto's bedroom with the advanced stealth of a Kazekage on a mission (or the advanced stealth of someone who had done this quite often before).

It turned out that Naruto was not in any 'distress,' in the typical sense of the word, but he sure as hell wasn't 'relaxed' either.

He was lying flat on his back, arms hooked around his knees, holding them up towards his own chest. His bare skin was covered with a thin sheen of sweat and a dusky pink flush. His beautiful, blue eyes were screwed shut in exertion and his hair was in a messy disarray from constant tossing and turning against his pillow. His pants were coming faster and harder from kiss-bruised lips.

As Gaara inched closer to the bedroom, he could also hear a different, second sound through the thin window pane. It made his already shallow breathing hitch in his dry, dry throat.

The wet, wet sounds of a dark-haired man slurping and sucking between Naruto's spread legs were all too clear to Gaara ears, as he found himself angling for a look at the two lovers. Just as Gaara began running through a list of all the people it could be, the man ceased his actions, straightened himself up, wiped the back of his hand over his mouth, and  _smirked._

Gaara would have rolled his eyes if he wasn't so busy staring.

Sasuke's sharingan glinted in the low evening sunlight as he roved his eyes down Naruto's quivering body. "You know you taste pretty good despite all of the crap you eat," he teased.

Naruto, still too busy catching his breath to say anything, kicked his shoulder. Not enough to dislodge him from his position but enough to send a message.

"I haven't even put my fingers in you yet, but you're still so vocal..." Sasuke said, unperturbed. Gaara trailed his eyes down to where the pale fingers of his hand were still continuously moving against Naruto's body; rubbing and groping, but not quite pushing in.

"Or maybe," Naruto finally managed, through gritted teeth, "I'm so _vocal_ because you've been rubbing against the rim of my ass for half an hour and I'm sensitive! Just shove 'em in already! Would you have liked it if I had done this when I blew you in the shower?"

Sasuke scowled a little at the memory.

He had been  _so_  ready to get back on the bed and show Naruto that he could do more than keep up with his horny self when the dobe had simply barged in to the shower, fully naked, and started making out with him.

"I couldn't wait any longer!" Naruto had whined, in between pressing hot kisses and bites against his neck. "You can't just promise me things like that and then take your own  _sweet_  time getting ready to deliver!"

Sasuke, in his defense, just couldn't find it in him to argue with that logic when Naruto pressed one of his thighs right into his crotch and ground down against him, hard and insistent enough that he wanted to scream it felt so good. 

By the time the blond had sunk down to his knees, grabbing his hips firmly in his hands and pressing open-mouthed kisses against the head of his cock, Sasuke had waved any plan he had in mind good-bye, and focused on not thrusting against the beautiful man so graciously sucking him down. Before long, Naruto had thrown one of his pale legs over his shoulder and started deep-throating him in earnest. Sasuke had come right down Naruto's throat (with an uncontrollable scream no less), when the other began working two fingers into him in tandem with his sucking and licking and  _ugh!-_

Sasuke coughed as inconspicuously as he could and shook himself out of his memories. Naruto didn't really notice his distracted state (more than a little distracted himself), but Gaara snorted in derision.

All the same, Sasuke obliged him anyway. His hand stopped moving and drew back, only to press forward again, with two fingers working their way inside of Naruto.

"Since you're so eager..." Sasuke whispered, grinning wide when Naruto arched off the bed when his fingers pressed against his prostate, a string of curses tumbling out of his mouth. Sasuke leant back down, and sucked the head of Naruto's leaking cock between his lips once again; this time, moving his fingers in tandem just like the blond had in the shower.

It didn't look like Naruto was going to last much longer but he seemed to try anyway; clutching the damp bedsheets beneath him and groaning hard. And when he choked out a soft, "Sasuke, please," throwing his head back one last time, Sasuke made sure to swallow hard around Naruto's length and give his fingers a hard, audible twist inside his lover. Naruto screamed out something unintelligible as he came, but Sasuke looked like he understood him anyway, letting him ride out his climax with a few more licks and thrusts, listening to Naruto's moans as he came down from his high; eyes fluttering open, limbs re-orienting themselves slow and shaky, with the world's widest smile burning bright and sincere the whole time.

"You're doing it again," Sasuke said suddenly, scowling.

Gaara shook his head twice. He had been so focused on staring at Naruto that he didn't realize Sasuke had cleaned up, brought out a fresh bed sheet, and was slouching on the edge of the bed.

"Sorry," Naruto said, not looking sorry at all. "I can't help it!"

Sasuke sighed and fell backwards on the mattress, arms flopping on either side of him. "It's fine, I guess. But if you show it to anyone else, and they come mooning after you, this is fair warning that I'm going to kill them, mercilessly." 

"Sasuke, I can't just  _not_ smile!" Naruto smiled, "And nobody falls in love with a simple smile!"

"Oh but it's not just any dobe-smile, dobe. I'm talking about  _that one_ ," Sasuke said, pointing towards Naruto's still-grinning face. "The one with the dewy, soft crinkled eyes, and the quirk of your lips and your cute little flush and  _mmph_!"

Naruto had tackled Sasuke to the floor and was kissing him too sweetly for Gaara to bare. So the sand ninja tried to straighten out his expression, clear his blush and proceed on his merry (and slightly aroused) way towards the Hokage tower.

But not before he heard Naruto's, "You know, I kind of don't want to hear that from you... Do you know how many fangirls you have? And a whole lot of them just love you for your ikemen looks... Can you imagine what would they do if they knew how cute you look when you orgasm? How their precious Sasuke-kyun flushes and pants when his cock is sucked?"

Naruto gasped and smacked his knee, "What if there'll be _guys_  now too? Lining up the block when they hear about how cutely you groan and plead when your ass is played with and your cock is sucked-"

"Shut _up_!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, thank you to all of my fantastic commentators and everyone who gave me kudos; you truly made me feel warm and fuzzy in this nerve-wracking as hell fall! Shout outs to ApplesauceLady (Mac), Murder_Of_Crows, Ness, dvl, Lily, sparrow_hawk13, and DreamingOfDragon for their support~ 
> 
> I would love talking to all of you about your ideas, criticisms, preferences; they really help me with my writing! Also, I just love to talk about the sweetest pea, Naruto, so please leave me a comment! ; D


	7. Consolidation!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My favorite thing about this fic is that I get to write scenes that are super sweet, hot, and funny because SNS has so many dimensions to explore. 
> 
> That being said, this chapter is just plain ridiculous, I have no excuses for producing this kind of content, but at the same time I do think you'll enjoy it (if you've bared with my style/humor thus far). 
> 
> FYI, you guys should know that I love Gaara almost as much as I love Naruto, even if I make him suffer a little. Don't worry, I'm 100% writing an epilogue with him (being very happy) so look forward to it, and forgive me for having a little too much fun with our beloved Kazekage here.
> 
> And let's give it up for Orochimaru making his? her? their? debut! Apparently, in Boruto, Orochimaru is a genderless reptile being, and honestly, I'm all for that. 
> 
> Please enjoy. We're so close to the end!

As clone-Gaara continued on his journey, he began to notice a lot of strange occurrences around him.

For one, not many people had seemed to notice that he, the Kazekage, was casually strolling through the village unattended. They all seem to be otherwise occupied. While a few of them seemed to be engaged in actual physical combat with one another (like Anko, artfully back-flipping away from Genma's senbon while launching a few kunai of her own), the vast majority of ninja and civilians alike seemed to be busily congregated in circles, holding notebooks in their hands; flipping through different pages, shaking their heads, furiously jotting and scratching out words, all the while pointing accusing fingers at one another.

For a village supposedly in peace, it seemed that there was quite a lot of chaos. 

He spotted Lee waving his arms around with fire in his eyes as Sai sat beside him under a tree, sketching and grinning to himself. He debated whether or not he might approach them; (after all, at this point, he was, at the very least, 'friendly' with Lee) when the tall, muscular taijutsu user suddenly got fired up and started screaming something that sounded like, 'TOP, BOTTOM, SIDE, DIAGONAL, MATTERS NOT. I ONLY WISH FOR NARUTO TO HAVE THE BEST SPRINGTIME OF YOUTH,' at the top of his lungs.

Gaara walked a little more quickly after that, trying desperately to keep his eyes from widening in abject panic when he happened upon Kiba having an argument with his own dog?!

When he somehow stumbled upon the ramen stand that he knew Naruto often frequented, he decided to head inside and seek some refuge from the strangeness around.

However, as soon as the Kazekage's clone entered the restaurant, he got the sinking feeling that things were even more grave than he had been presuming.

The head ramen chef and his daughter were engaged in a heated argument in front of none other than Lord Orochimaru himself, as he sat there wearing what had to be the most ludicrous disguise. The snake sannin also wore an uncharacteristically benevolent look on his face as he slurped his ramen with his unnecessarily long tongue.

Altogether, it was very foreboding.

Clone-Gaara almost instinctively summoned some defensive sand around him, but then forced himself to relax; after all, this person had been pardoned of all charges after the war, so it would be bad to attack him, even if he desperately wanted to.

Gaara scowled deeply. He had not forgotten the mess that was the chuunin exam.

Even if the ordeal had allowed him to meet Naruto.

Naruto, who had somehow seen through to the pain and loneliness in his heart even then, when Gaara had not yet known what made him hurt, and burn, and want to scream. Naruto, who was so kind, patient, tolerant to a fault, bright like the sun on a bleak horizon, inspiring hope and peace.  _Naruto, who was so_   _sweetly handsome, and sexy, with his head thrown back in pleasure-_

"Lord Kazekage why don't you take a seat?" Orochimaru called to him, without moving his head. "I'm sure you've had an arduous journey thus far." His voice was light, but clone-Gaara could certainly detect a hint of amusement in the sannin's tone.

He felt his shoulders tense up as he was shaken out of another one of his Naruto-induced reveries (something which was happening far too many times today), but he moved to take a seat beside Orochimaru anyways. He discreetly wiped the corners of his mouth with the back of his sleeve hoping beyond hope that he wasn't salivating like a stalker. 

"Lord Orochimaru," he acknowledged curtly. However, his utterance was drowned out by the head chef's daughter suddenly screaming that her father was insufferable and knew nothing about the delicacies of Beel? B. Elle? (he had not been able to identify the word), and storming out of the shop. The head chef went about his business dissolving miso paste relatively quietly after that, looking up only once to say, "No ramen-loving man could ever be taken by a man who does not love ramen; it takes a truly manly man to appreciate the culinary art of ramen," to no one in particular, before resuming his chopping of green onions.

The two powerful ninja sat in silence.

Although clone-Gaara wanted to appear coolly uninterested in Orochimaru thereafter, he could not help but let his eyes take in the other man's powdered pale skin, made-up eyes, pastel kimono, and long purple-black hair pulled up into a bun. He also still had on that benevolent look as his hideously long tongue licked the rim of the large ramen bowl before him till it was squeaky-clean.

The slurping sounds made Gaara want to run away, scream, or both; but outside the restaurant he heard someone that sounded like Neji Hyuuga scream, "Hinata! I simply cannot read such a treacherous book, and I refuse to ponder whether the seme on the cover looks just like Naruto or not! Please do not ask me to do such dreadful things!" and he knew that it would be just as dangerous to leave.

The Kazekage-clone began sweating bullets.

"So, are you on your way back from an undercover mission, or are you heading out?" he asked in a small voice, praying that Lord Orochimaru would retract that enormous appendage back into his mouth in order to answer his question. A shiver ran down his back as the tongue wrapped itself around a few remaining noodles stuck to the sides of the bowl.

"No. I haven't had a field mission in quite some time," he said mournfully. Thankfully, he did retract his tongue to state his answer, but he gave clone-Gaara a slightly bewildered look, "But why would you think that?"

Gaara spluttered a little before schooling himself. "No reason," he said plainly, diverting his eyes away from Lord Orochimaru.

The snake sannin gave an amused laugh that sounded remarkably like a hiss. "I mean, I guess that isn't quite fair. I know why. And, I guess there have been times when wearing these kinds of clothes has been useful to me on missions of a certain sort... I mean, why would I wear them otherwise, right?"

Gaara nodded like he understood, but Orochimaru laughed again.

"But didn't you know? All out-going missions have been indefinitely put on hold. It appears that Konoha has some other truly pressing issues to deal with for now..." The man's yellow eyes flashed brightly, and Gaara gulped a little.

"What sorts of issues?" He asked. If he had eyebrows, they would have been hiding in his hairline by now.

"What sorts of issues indeed..." sing-songed the sannin. "You know, I think we should go ask our gracious Hokage that exact question, don't you think?"

***

"Oh," was all clone-Gaara could finally respond when Lady Tsunade finally managed to explain the situation to him. He, Orochimaru, and Tsunade were inside one of his giant defensive sand contraptions, protected from the veritable mayhem of the building in which the Hokage's office resided. Tsunade had her arms crossed and was rapidly tapping her left foot, while Orochimaru was wiping away tears of mirth from his eyes.

Orochimaru had actually started laughing as soon as he and clone-Gaara stepped into the building, and had not stopped since. Clone-Gaara, however, had not found that there was anything to laugh about then (or now)as the two of them had been immediately drenched in a wall of water spurting out from the mission desk near the front entrance, and things had only gone downhill from there.

"Excuse me," the Kazekage's double had said, royally drenched before he or Orochimaru could react, but he was ignored by the chuunin girl who attacked them; probably because she was already busy deflecting a barrage of kunai from another male chuunin, who was holding a giant soaked through notebook, entitled, 'sasUKE.'

"ADMIT IT," the male chuunin had yelled passionately, fully ignoring the soaked kage-rank ninjas before him; one laughing hysterically, the other squeezing water from his clothes.

"EAT ME," she had screamed right back, ignoring them too,

Clone-Gaara had decided to form his sand-barrier right then and there to avoid the wind jutsu already forming in the boy's extended hands. From inside the sand barrier, Orochimaru and Gaara soon heard all sorts of rude and semi-violent things from Konoha ninja directed to other Konoha ninja as they passed by. Though they made their way in a giant, conspicuous sand ball, they were unacknowledged; everyone too focused on that Biel? Beehl? to care about them.

Half-floating and half-rolling in the defensive structure (that was not at all designed with this purpose in mind), Orochimaru and clone-Gaara had eventually found themselves in front of Lady Tsunade's office, where the Hokage had been on a phone call.

"Okay, so since it's already been decided that you're going to be the next Hokage, I don't understand why you can't just take over now, and put me out of my misery," she had said to the other person on the phone with a long suffering sight.

"Okay, sure," the voice on the other end of the line had replied, "But then I get to make an announcement that, naturally, Sasuke tops."

Tsunade had immediately hung up, and turned to face the giant ball of sand before her.

"Let me in..."

She had said it with such gravity that clone-Gaara had wordlessly allowed the depressed woman, clutching a bottle of sake, into his sand bubble...

...

Which brought Gaara to his current situation; squashed uncomfortably close together with two out of the three legendary ninja, stifled further by the most uncomfortable situation hanging tense in the air.The young ninja-clone wished that he could dispel himself back to safety and somehow avoid this situation altogether.

"Oh," he tried again, because he was futilely hoping beyong hope that somebody would come out and say, 'Surprise! Jokes on you!' and just give him the supplementary aid ninja he needed to be on his way out of this crazy village.

"Yeah," replied Tsunade, not at all sounding like she was in the mood to joke, "I'm also sorry for not receiving your calls; I was afraid they would be more justifying calls for Naruto or Sasuke topping..."

"...I do understand," clone-Gaara nodded, not understanding at all. He wondered what he would have done if placed in a similar situation; if everyone in Sunagakure collectively lost their minds like this, he'd probably hide inside his sand barrier until it was over...

'However!' he suddenly realized, 'I have had the  _opportunity_  of observing... a moment that may indeed alleviate the suffering of Konoha's people.'

Just as Gaara was opening his mouth to say something, he heard Orochimaru speak, "I mean I have my theories, of course, but I am very  _very_ biased, as you can imagine. I want to know; what do  _you_  think Tsunade?"

"I think that..." Lady Tsunade looked at each of them in turn, before sighing loudly, "I want to die."

"Mmm, that's probably very true," Orochimaru nodded in agreement, far too quickly for clone-Gaara's comfort, "I guess as Sakura's mentor, you would have been happiest if the ending had been SasuSaku, as opposed to SasuNaru, or NaruSasu."

At that, Lady Tsunade suddenly snapped out of her lethargic world-weary fatigue, "Don't screw with me, Orochimaru, you asshole. Why would I put my sweat and soul into training Sakura, and then wish for her to end up in a relationship with someone who didn't even respect her, let alone like her? Kakashi told me what Sasuke said about Sakura's feelings for him during the fight with Kaguya! I mean I can now understand his past resentment for Konoha... but what did  _Sakura_ ever do to him? Care too much?"

Orochimaru hmmed low in his throat. "That's also very true," he agreed, but Tsunade didn't seem to be listening. She took a drink of sake and continued.

"Naruto, on the other hand,  _that boy_ would have treated her right; he always had, right from the beginning," she drank some more, "Even when she probably didn't even deserve it, damn brats." She hiccuped.

"But then how is that fair to Naruto? Why should he have to be with someone who only settled for him because the true object of their affections didn't reciprocate?" clone-Gaara blurted out, before hurriedly covering his mouth with his hands. Luckily, the sand blotted out most of the light, so they probably wouldn't be able to see his blush.

"Ah. I understand. So if you're a fan of Naruto, you don't think Sakura deserves him because she hasn't always treated him well. However, if you're a fan of Sakura, you think she deserves Naruto because he's always treated her well," Orochimaru said, extending each of his hands, as though physically weighing the choices.

"It isn't that easy though," Tsunade said, looking as depressed as she did earlier. "I know this one girl, one of Shizune's students, who is a huge fan of Sakura,  _and_  the idea of SasuSaku, because she thinks that Sakura has finally earned what she has always wanted; Sasuke Uchiha."

Orochimaru suddenly looked a bit saddened, "Such warped views young people have on relationships; I wonder if she really hates Sasuke then to devalue his feelings so much... Unfortunately, Sasuke doesn't sit still like a nice trophy husband, plus he's made some bad decisions-"

(Here Gaara and Tsunade both looked at each other; silently agreeing that the worst decision Sasuke had ever made was bringing this lunatic back into their lives.)

"-and with that cruel streak he's got buried in there," Orochimaru continued, unperturbed; sounding a little more excited in fact, "Handling him requires that you love him, and put him in his place in equal measures. Enter Naruto! Ah, I _always_ recognized the influence Naruto had on Sasuke!"

"Somehow, I don't want to hear that from you," chorused both Lady Tsunade and clone-Gaara. The two leaders turned to each other and high-fived solemnly as Orochimaru shrugged his shoulders; wholeheartedly acknowledging that he had been a piece of shit. 

"...But, I mean," Lady Tsunade re-ventured after a few minutes of silence, "Obviously Naruto tops; anything else would be ridiculous... It would be like... if you were to... top Jiariya or something..."

"Oh!" Lord Orochimaru smiled wide and licked his lips, "I'll have you know that this tongue of mine has been in a great many places that you would not expect, and just like my dick, one of those places includes-,"

"THEY SWITCH. OH PLEASE, SPARE ME. THEY SWITCH," clone-Gaara screamed, covering his ears. "I passed by Naruto's house on my way here, and I happened to overhear them, a-and it sounded like they were d-doing everything both ways!"

Tsunade narrowed her eyes, as though mentally calling him a pervert, but she punched her way out of the sand, and called out to Shizune to prepare a village-wide message.

"Well then, once I get this message out, I'll send over your request for ninja," she said, scratching something down on a sheet of paper, 'Now, get out of here, your nose is bleeding all over the floors, kid."

Clone-Gaara immediately dispelled himself with relief; too excited to be back home to say anything else in response.

Orochimaru rolled his eyes, and rolled his enormous tongue out of his mouth to lick up the blood. "Well, of course they would switch. The year is 2018, variety is the spice of life, and how would those competitive children settle for anything less?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somehow, I feel like I should apologize for making you imagine Orochimaru's tongue that many times... I'm sorry....
> 
> Thank you so much to Ness, sparrow_hawk13, Lily & dvl for their feedback last week, to everyone who left me kudos, everyone who bookmarked this fic (even the private ones! I see you too~) and to every single one of you who took a chance on reading this work! I hope you enjoyed it, even a little!
> 
> Kudos me, comment me, if you wanna reach me~ Because I'd love to reach you! Take care, lovelies. 
> 
> Also, Kakashi's birthday on the 15th; you know I gotta write something for Best Dog-Mom Sensei. Please look forward to it!


	8. You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so excited that you, yes YOU, are here reading this work! Thank you so so so much for staying with me this long, and please enjoy this chapter! 
> 
> P. S. I am sorry for the overwhelming amount of Orochimaru's tongue in the last story. I've been reliably informed that it was unsettling... (*_*)

Back in Sunagakure, Gaara was just being hit with all of the memories that his clone had experienced. He felt his breathing start to quicken in pace, and placed his hand over his forehead to feel for his own temperature. He closed his eyes as shivers wracked through his body, and sat down heavily in his chair. What a bizarre...

Unfortunately, that was how his two siblings burst in on him. Gaara scrambled to school his features into a more regular appearance, but he almost slipped out of his chair, damned silky Kazekage robes, and couldn't quite even out his breathing in time.

"Is that a nose bleed?" asked Kankuro, lifting his finger accusingly.

"Where are the Leaf ninja?" Temari wondered, throwing her hands up in exasperation, "They aren't here either."

"Mmfrhmph," Gaara replied emphatically.

The two elder sand siblings looked at one another, and then looked at Gaara. The redhead cleared his throat with some true difficulty and re-seated himself.

"Excuse me... To answer your questions respectively; yes, but I'm fine, and Lady Tsunade promised that they are on their way, so we should be fine on that front as well," their esteemed Kazekage mumbled out in a whisper voice.

He shook his head a few times and abruptly stood up.

"If at all possible, do you think you two could cover for me for some time? I think that... I should rest for a short while. On a... bed... Alone... " Gaara awkwardly made his way out of his office, not meeting the eyes of his stunned siblings.

There was a spare room located for his private use for such a time as when the Kazekage was desperately needed in the main building (but when the Kazekage, also, desperately required some temporary rest). It had rarely been used in Gaara's term; only when Temari or Kankuro had cajoled and pleaded for their younger brother to at least relax during long days of negotiations.

However, the Kazekage had never voluntarily visited the room before.

Temari and Kankuro stuck their heads out into the hallway through which Gaara was making his way. Their youngest sibling bumped his knee on a potted plant and smacked his elbow into a wall when he reached into a pocket to pull out the room's key. He sighed all too wearily for a leader during the supposed 'Most Peaceful Era of Sunagakure' as he turned the doorknob and entered the small rest room.

Kankuro placed his left fist under his chin in an inquisitive look. "Do you think he's going to masturbate?" He asked.

Temari smacked him upside the head, but it was more perfunctory than anything else. Most of her mind was occupied wondering just what the hell had happened in Konoha.

***

 _In_ Konoha, the sun was almost setting; its rays burned dark orange in the evening sky as Naruto's apartment got a call from the Hokage's office. Naruto groaned from where he was doing push ups in the living room, as Sasuke sat on his back reading aloud from a genjutsu scroll.

"Phone for you," Sasuke stated, uncrossing his legs and lowering them to the floor, about to get off of Naruto, "I'll bring it here."

"Uh... Can you just take it?" Naruto asked in a shaky, embarrassed voice, "I still need to do more push-ups."

Sasuke narrowed his eyes at the back of the blond's head and re-crossed his legs. "So you're still hard then?" he accused.

Naruto collapsed with a groan and a nod, and Sasuke awkwardly rolled off of him and onto his back on the floor beside him. He scoffed.

"I'm sorry, okay? I know that this is weird; I get it, I swear to God," Naruto whined some more, face-planted into the carpet., "But you're just going to have to deal with the fact that I am going to be very hard, for very long times, during the near foreseeable future, especially when I'm with you."

Sasuke scoffed again but was very secretly pleased. He coughed to hide what was sure to be the grin in his voice.

"I should take you to your doctor," he threatened.

Naruto protested by beating his legs against the floor and Sasuke sighed. He rolled over to continue reading his scroll on his stomach, shaking his head side to side at the blond's antics and letting the phone call go to voicemail. (If it was something important, they'd get a courier bird after all.)

As Naruto finally got back up into push-up position with a resigned sigh, Sasuke unraveled the next section of the scroll and shook his head.

What was he going to do with this moron, who was somehow still erect?

A few hours ago, when Naruto had come out of the bathroom just after Sasuke had prepared lunch, the man had been flaccid; you know, like a normal person in the middle of the day. However, in the span that it had taken Sasuke to set the table and get out their chopsticks, Naruto was somehow hard.

Of course, Sasuke had helped him get off like a good boyfriend, despite being completely bewildered. Had it been all the bending he had been doing gathering the things he needed? The sweating over the stove? Well, their last round had been at daybreak, so Sasuke had figured that it was (just barely) acceptable timing for another go.

However, right after their lunch, when he was clearing their plates, Naruto was unbelievably hard again! They hadn't even had ramen! (Which Sasuke secretly suspected turned him on just a little).

Sasuke had told him to work it off using some physical self-restraint because there was no way he could let the future Hokage walk around popping boners left and right with a four minute refractory period.

So for the past two hours Naruto had done push-ups, while Sasuke glared at him from his perch on his back.

The phone finally went to voicemail and Naruto abruptly sat up. He reached down and grabbed his boyfriend's face in his hands. "How would that even work?!" he yelled, but Sasuke had no idea what he was talking about so couldn't answer.

Naruto continued, "My doctor's Sakura, you know that right!? What exactly am I supposed to even say to her? 'Oh, so it seems like my boner for Sasuke - you know, Sasuke! The guy you liked too! - well, my boner for him just isn't going away! I've cum three times in the past day, but all I need to do is think about that asshole's stupid fucking smile, or the smell of his skin, or feel his heat near me and I am hard. all. over. again.' How would that sound?!"

Sasuke pushed himself up on his palms and pressed his hands over Naruto's, still holding his face. He reached forward and kissed Naruto's forehead. "I'm sorry," he said without a single iota of apology in his tone, wrapping his arms around his lover.

"Why are you trying not to smile then?" Naruto pouted, but returned the hug for several long minutes anyways. Sasuke felt his heart flutter; Naruto was so good to him, _even_ when he provoked him. He felt a little sickened by how much he wanted the giant dork in his arms.

"You know," Naruto suddenly started again, but this time in a more confident voice, shifting slightly out of the hug, "You should really be celebrating me... Just imagine how long I could go for when I start fucking you?"

Sasuke withdrew slightly as well, meeting Naruto's lustful eyes with a cocked eyebrow. "True, but when I actually get my hands on you, you seem to come pretty fast... Do you plan on fucking me for two minutes, cumming, taking a minute break to get hard, and then fucking me again? Would that even feel good?" he teased.

Naruto blushed but tried to scowl too, in that way too cute way of his, "I'll get better at that too, you know! Rude! Once you cum once you're ready to sleep, anyways! You... you've no stamina either! Just no stamina of another kind! What if you fell asleep in the middle of doing me?"

Sasuke pinched one of Naruto's scarred cheeks between his fingers and squeezed until it was pink.

"Hey! I-Mh!" Naruto's protests were cut off as Sasuke pressed his lips against his, edging his tongue into Naruto's open mouth. Sasuke smiled into the kiss and Naruto suddenly forgot what he was going to say too. His tongue met Sasuke's and pressed forward; moaning as Sasuke twisted his fingers in the hair growing long on the back of his neck, and pulling hard (which definitely wasn't a kink, shut up) tracing lines up his back. He broke the kiss and rested his forehead against the other's.

"Yeah, I know, we'll both probably suck at this a little," Sasuke admitted blankly, but he snorted a few seconds after, "Maybe we should go read some of Kakashi's books."

Naruto laughed his sunshine laugh in response, and smiled wildly. It looked disstorted this close up - eyes too big, nose squished into his own, smile full of teeth - but seeing it made Sasuke so overcome with affection that he suddenly couldn't help but bite Naruto's nose before he could think it through.

Naruto didn't seem to mind; he simply reached out to rest his hand behind Sasuke's neck, pulling him closer.

"Hey, do you remember when our genin teams were assigned a million years ago, and I got on that desk to yell at you... and we kissed?" he asked.

For not the first time, Sasuke wondered just how Naruto's brain worked; coming up with all these disconnected thoughts. He coolly raised one condescending eyebrow, and spoke as though he had not just literally _bit_ Naruto a few seconds ago in an act of cute-aggression, "Yeah, I remember. What a dead last thing to do."

Naruto stuck his tongue out, "Oh wow, like you were so suave in your white shorts and arm thingies; and you knew I was obviously pushed!"

Sasuke, however, suddenly looked genuinely surprised and his eyes widened. "What... You were pushed?" he asked, pulling back from Naruto.

Naruto pulled back too and gave him a long searching look, trying to to see if he was being sarcastic.

He wasn't.

Well, he nor anybody else had ever told him what had happened _explicitly_ , but Naruto had just figured that Sasuke had known. Because if he had thought that Naruto had randomly decided to kiss him, shouldn't he have been more upset at the time? Weirded out? Shouldn't he have joined his fangirls in beating him up?

Naruto clonked their heads back together again, ignoring Sasuke's whispered, "Gently, Naruto..."

"I mean, I wasn't just trying to plant one on you in the middle of the afternoon...In front of all your fangirls... Even if that had been my desire, which it totally wasn't. It was an accident, you huge dick," he explained, trailing off towards the end.

Sasuke snorted, "Scared of pre-teen girls. Nice."

Naruto head-butted him lightly, "Okay, anyways, when we were up close, I kinda noticed that your nose was a little crooked."

"Thanks," Sasuke dead-panned, "A truly romantic memory; turns out you weren't actually trying to kiss me, and all you remembered  _from_ the kiss was my crooked nose."

"Shut up! I just-, I-I dunno, I thought it was cute. I mean, your whole face was really handsome, even all the guys knew that-, but I don't know, I've been thinking about your imperceptibly crooked nose for a long time is what I'm trying to say... Never thought I'd get to see it again, you know?... It's still a little crooked, but you can only see the crookedness from this close up, and you're still so handsome so, I don't-, it just feels like that tiny imperfection; it's charming, and since I know you've never kissed anyone else, even accidentally, I like to think it's my little secret, or something..." he rambled, pressing forward more so that their shoulders touched too.

Sasuke hummed low in his throat before responding in a belittling tone, "I guess that that is pretty romantic, if you wanted to be a shoujo manga protagonist or a rom-com star..." But then he began pressing little kisses across Naruto's face until he started laughing, so Naruto knew that Sasuke was secretly elated.

Sasuke thought he was so subtle and mysterious, but Naruto could read him like a ramen menu.

"Hey!" Naruto scrunched his nose after Sasuke pulled back from pressing his final kiss to his chin; lips trembling from holding back a smile, "But that was genuine? Don't lump me in with those generic dudes who kiss girls under the moonlight! I'm a manly man! A chibi!seme right?"

Sasuke burst out into laughter, and Naruto joined him.

After they settled back, face-to-face, shoulder-to-shoulder once again, this time it was Sasuke's turn to start. "Ahh, but I've loved you since long before that though, so even if I didn't say anything about it, I thought about that kiss a lot... Even thought about it in the fight with Haku before I passed out," he said quietly.

Naruto startled at his words; not conscious of how his throat constricted and his eyes suddenly burned, "No! What? I didn't say that-... And how? You couldn't have known what... What that even was then, w-when you were just a kid, even younger than thirteen," he managed to force out.

Sasuke shrugged his shoulders, sending little vibrations through Naruto's body from where they were pressed together; Naruto felt them run down to his toes. He wiggled them a little, trying to memorize the feeling, until Sasuke sighed.

"Well, fine, I was obsessively watching you then; loving you in what ever dumb way screwed-up kids like me could love," Sasuke admitted.

Naruto nodded. "Oh...Okay, if it's like that, then maybe me too then..."

They sat in silence, pressed into each other for who knew how long. Naruto almost felt like he was meditating in Sage form; but it felt different at the same time - warmer, freer.

He felt Sasuke's tears before he saw them, dripping hot and wet against his face. "Hey, it's okay," he said automatically, bringing a hand up to brush against his dark eyes. He really hadn't been joking when he had told Sasuke that when he hurt, he hurt too, "Don't cry, or I'll cry too."

Sasuke had the gall to laugh. 

"Don't say that when you're already crying, Naruto," he scolded; grabbing Naruto's hand, wet with his own tears, and pressing it to his lips.

Naruto brought his free hand up to his own face, and found it to be wet with tears too.

"Oh. I didn't know that I was crying," he said, softly.

"As expected of Naruto," Sasuke teased, but his voice was wet and full of affection, "But you noticed that I was?"

"...Of course. Always."

***

"When documenting same-sex relationships, whose family name do we file it under, again?" an old chuunin wondered aloud, shifting through stacks of papers, "This can't be that unprecedented a phenomena! It's 2028! Is it the older one? The highest ranking? The tallest?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes, "Not this again," he groaned.

The chuunin had long white hair tied into a neat bun and glasses on his face; he had been working in the records office for several decades - through Tsunade's ascension and Naruto's too - but he was just a little nerve-wracked at being approached by both the current Hokage and ANBU chief, in the flesh.

He 'eep'ed at Sasuke's disgruntled tone and scuttled further back in his chair, trembling like a leaf.

With a deep sigh, Sasuke wondered if people in the village would ever stop giving him these sorts of reactions. He hadn't been on active duty for several months (what with planning the wedding, and being disgustingly romantic with Naruto, etc.,) and Sakura had swore that love had made him 'soft and squishy.'

"I am so sorry, sirs!" the chuunin cried, looking a little like he was going to wet himself.

"Actually... Uh," Naruto scratched the back of his head, blushing far too cutely for a damn head of state.

"You don't need to look for anything like that," Sasuke continued, "I am the last Uchiha, and I'd like to keep it that way... And this guy isn't even really an Uzumaki, don't let the jinchuuriki business fool you; he's blond, and that's instant Uzumaki-disqualification."

"Hey!"

"Listen, I don't make the rules; ask Karin... Anyways, we're starting a new lineage, so you'll need to start a fresh bookkeeping file."

The chuunin looked a little relieved to be given a task that he knew how to do. He retrieved a blank book, and his finest black brush, but then looked puzzled again. "Uchimaki? Uzuha? Uchimakiha? Uzuhamaki? Uzumakiha? Uchihamaki?" he started listing off combinations, getting ever more confused.

"Stop, please!" Naruto cried. He looked a little dizzy just hearing all of those nonsense words out loud. "That''s ridiculous! Why would we do that? That's like if we named our kid Nasuke or something! Why much we rearrange syllables like this to create meaningless names? Are we not Japanese? What kind of kanji would you even use to spell something like Uzuha?"

Sasuke gave a nod, "Agreed. Uchiha-Uzumaki shall suffice, for now."

Naruto nodded too; but then he gave a little grin and looked at Sasuke, "Or is it Uzumaki-Uchiha?"

Sasuke nodded absently, more busy reading over the documents about address registration, "Sure."

Naruto couldn't stop laughing at the poor chuunin's face. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so grateful that you've come this far on this journey with me! I'd like to give you my most heartfelt thanks for the support; for your comments, kudos, and bookmarks! I hope that you have enjoyed yourself, and hope that I will see you again!
> 
> Although this story is 'technically' complete, please follow it just a little longer; I am eagerly working on a few short epilogue/coda style chapters about the boys living together, and about what happens to Gaara! I really think you will enjoy them! 
> 
> As well, if you're interested, I would really appreciate it if you checked out my profile to check out my other one-shots, and new longer stories. 
> 
> Take care! ♡♡♡
> 
> P. S. In one of the old databooks, Sasuke revealed that he had no idea why Naruto kissed him - but that he tasted like miso. Incredible.


	9. Epilogue 1: Strong-Weak

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So after reading the comments of my reviewers, Lily and Ness, I thought it might be nice to do a chapter about SNS watching television! Sasuke and Naruto watched Attack on Titan in the main story, and I wanted to reflect on that a little bit more! Tbh, I've only every watched a few episodes of Attack on Titan myself, and found it a bit too gory... So this coda is a little angsty, but it ends in syrupy sweet cotton candy fluff.
> 
> There won't be many epilogue parts, but I've decided to write each chapter of the epilogue as progressing along a linear timeline, much like the main story, instead of serving as distinct entries into the universe. In a way, I'm not really sure if this is a true, traditional epilogue; or something in between a part two, sequel, epilogue, addendum, all melded together with my desires to write some more about the ladies of Konoha~
> 
> I hope that you will be able to enjoy these chapters as well!
> 
> Happy Birthday Ino~

The day began when Sakura had brought an inordinate amount of fruit to Sasuke and Naruto's house in a rush, hurriedly explaining that she was hosting a birthday party for Ino that evening, for which she needed them to make fruit punch, and some thing called an 'edible arrangement' to use as table centerpieces. Apparently, Sakura had originally planned on doing all of this by herself, but she had just realized that she didn't have anything to wear to the party, and so she needed to go buy something immediately, and ask her 'two best friends in the  _whole wide world, to please please please help out!_...'

Sasuke had rolled his eyes, but Naruto seemed bright-eyed and cutely interested in trying to re-create some of the example images Sakura had (knowingly, manipulatively) brought with her. Which meant, of course... Sasuke relented.

So there they were; Naruto, a man who struggled to cut rabbit ears out of apple slices, was trying to carve fish-scale patterns into the delicate skins of oranges, and painting specific parts with some kind of food dye (dye made from locally sourced, organic Yamanaka flower extract because ' _This is what it means to be at peace, Sasuke! People don't have to just eat nutrient pills, and fire-roasted meat! They can eat oranges! But dye them blue first! Blüoranges! This is the height of decadence, haha!'_ ) to create some kind of gradient mermaid looking effect.

Sasuke thought the design looked more like the scale pattern of this snake that he had once spoke to on his way to Sunagakure, but he kept that opinion to himself.

He himself was using some wire to slice watermelon pieces into rose petal shapes (and trying not to think about licking the little splatters of sweet pink liquid that sprayed onto Naruto's face and neck while he did so.)

The T.V. was playing in the background as they worked in relative silence. Occasionally, Naruto would flick through the channels on the remotes (seeing as how he was the only one sitting in a position to see the T.V.; while Sasuke was sitting with his back to the screen) channel surfing until he found something he liked or recognized. 

Nice and peaceful. 

"Hey, it's  _Attack on Titan!_ Re-runs after so long? Nice," Naruto suddenly said, putting down the remote and craning his head a little to see both the example image of the edible arrangement, and the television screen at the same time. 

"Don't cut yourself, Naruto," Sasuke warned in a low voice, slicing through the watermelon with increasing speed and focus; not even slowing when a whole seed flew out and smacked Naruto's forehead. Naruto flicked it away and nodded absently, now more focused on the anime plot line than the fruit he had volunteered them to prepare. Typical dobe. Sasuke rolled his eyes.

Soon, the episode was in the thick of a violent battle, and the screams and sounds of flesh tearing increased to a hectic frenzy. Sasuke tried hard not to wince; to drown out the sounds of the television with the sounds of watermelon slicing. How much damn fruit was there anyways? Shouldn't they have been done by now? He wanted to go take a shower and lie down, although Naruto seemed to be enjoying himself, leisurely watching the program while slowly skinning the fruit, and for some reason it set Sasuke on edge.

And it was illogical, which was even more frustrating, because  _why should he be on edge_?

This party didn't really matter, so there was no reason to be so invested in the inherently stupid act of cutting fruit to look like flowers when Ino ran a damned flower shop. And why shouldn't Naruto enjoy watching this show instead? It was supposed to be an enthralling, critically acclaimed show. Sure it was violent, but it was just fiction after all. In fact, he was probably the weird one for not liking the immensely popular show; even the ever-intelligent Shikamaru occasionally watched it in the jounin break room, so it must have been appealing to both dobes and smart people alike.

Sasuke looked back over his shoulder at the screen and cringed; hard enough that his muscles jumped awkwardly under his skin. They were showing a flashback to some sweet looking woman being brutally murdered; blood split-splattering across the entire screen as her throat was slit and she tried to choke out her last words.

The wire he held jumped out of his hands and snapped, drawing blood against his cheek, streaking across a piece of watermelon. "Fuck!"

"Sasuke! Hey, are you okay?" Naruto asked, turning the T.V. off and coming around the table to check Sasuke's face. He reached out to touch the red wound, when Sasuke suddenly pulled away.

"Just go back to watching your stupid fucking show, Naruto!" he yelled, walking as fast as he could to the washroom. Naruto was momentarily bewildered at Sasuke's suddenly awful mood (he had just been ogling his face, sticky with fruit juice a moment ago, after all...) but he instinctively took off after him, following him to the sink where Sasuke ran his hands under cold water, and then pressed them to his face, hissing all the while.

"Sasuke..?"

"It's fine, alright! I'm  _fine,_ " Sasuke grit his teeth hard enough that the grinding sound was audible.

Definitely not fine.

Naruto thought hard; exactly what had caused this? They hadn't been doing anything at all out of the ordinary; cutting some average fruit, watching some average T.V... Hmm... 

Well, watching some pretty violent T.V.; violent enough that it would probably make sense for a normal person to flinch at it, but Sasuke was powerful enough to level out enemies hundreds of times more powerful than the huge, naked, ugly humanoid titans without even breaking a sweat. Hell, he did so on a semi regular basis; it was his job after all.

But then again, Naruto thought back to a few years ago; when no matter how much Kakashi sensei pleaded Sasuke to join ANBU, Sasuke refused to acquiesce.

_"No, I don't care what stupid fucking reasons people give. I don't even care who they are; Satan's wife and kids? I'll still say the same thing... " Sasuke's voice was chillingly emotionless; as though he didn't even have to think through the words he was saying to say them, "I'm not joining ANBU until you work with me to make sure that no part of the Konoha ANBU force is out there acting in ways that could injure and traumatize civilians, or the family members of our intended targets... The collateral isn't collateral when it's you... And I'm not a damn terrorist; I'm not killing some illegal weapons' traders' wife to show him who's boss, when she's probably a victim too."_

Naruto let out a low hiss through his teeth. Damn.

He had even  _been there_  when Sasuke had argued against the desires of Konoha officials; been there to see him smile when Kakashi had handed over this ominous scroll with every ANBU secret into Sasuke's possession, into  _Uchiha hands for the first time ever, about damned time_ as he ascended to be the new commander of the ANBU tactical forces, the face of a new revolution of transparency and empathy.

Perhaps they were still some ways away from total peace, like Itachi had really wanted, but Sasuke was  _trying so hard_.

And as the Seventh Hokage of Konoha and partner of the last surviving Uchiha, he had seen how hard Sasuke had worked to make sure that nobody would ever have to experience something like he had, like his _mother_ had. And Naruto should have known, right? That he wouldn't want to see something like that, either in fiction or in real life; how could he have let it slip his mind so easily?

"I'm going to just be blunt," Naruto said, shaking his head, eyelids half-lidded in frustration at his own damn self, "I'm sorry for making you sit through that. I should have been able to read that you weren't into it; and honestly, it's not even that far of a connection to make, that you wouldn't like... to watch... something so explicit and senselessly violent..."

Sasuke looked away and closed his eyes, "...I don't care about that show; where did you get it in your head that I could be affected by something as childish as that...? How weak do you think I... am?" His words seemed forceful, but his tone was weak and breathy.

Naruto felt his mouth curl up into a scowl; and he reached forward, slow enough that Sasuke could evade him if he wanted to, but deliberate enough that he could feel the warmth and the strength in his grip, pressing tight into his shoulders, forcing him to meet him eye-to-eye.

"Sasuke, I'm sorry, but what have I ever done to you-, to make you think that you feeling something... especially something like too much empathy and pain at other people's suffering, would be something that  _I_ consider a weakness? It doesn't even make any sense; how is being compassionate a _weakness_?"

Sasuke leaned forward and pulled Naruto in close by the fabric of his t-shirt collar, "Of course it's a weakness! What else would it be? You and everyone else can watch this kind of content, fully exist in the reality of our lives and environment, but I can't; isn't that a sign that I'm deficient in some way?"

Naruto felt himself get really, really upset at that; face growing hot at Sasuke's poor self-evaluation. Even if it was from Sasuke himself, Naruto couldn't tolerate anyone saying anything bad about him.

He pushed Sasuke backwards until his back hit the rim of the sink.

"How about it's a sign of you being human, huh?" he said in a low voice, pushing back until their fronts were pressed together, "That you can't stand the violence around you, and are trying to do something about it is a _good thing._ And you know there are things that I don't like to watch either, stuff that each of us hate to be near! I mean... I know I cry at a lot of stuff so you may think I'm used to it, but I can cry at some dumb rom-com, or drama or whatever and still function... But I  _can't watch_ movies about bullying or..., or child abandonment... I had to full-on leave Sakura's house when she put on  _Nobody Knows,_  and didn't go to work the next day;do you think that makes me weak?"

Now it was Sasuke's turn to get angry. He flipped their positions, and held Naruto tight, shaking him hard, "Don't be ridiculous, how could I judge you for something like that? How could you?! You've been through so much, and you're still so strong! Strong enough to save me, save everyone!" he cried, voice tight with emotion.

Naruto screamed, knocking their foreheads together, "THEN  _HOW COULD YOU,_ YOU _MORON?"_

_***_

When Sakura walked into Naruto and Sasuke's apartment, about a quarter to five; it was to find an assortment of their shadow clones (well, mostly Naruto's shadow clones, with three of Sasuke's) putting the finishing touches on a variety of elaborate edible arrangements.

"The real ones are in the bedroom," said a Naruto-clone, taking cues from a Sasuke-clone on how to center a pineapple-cut-into-a-star on one of the arrangements, styled to look like a starry night sky.

Ino would totally love it.

With a smile on her face, Sakura walked further into the apartment and spotted the two of them dressed in formal shirts and suit pants, reclining on their bed; their faces illuminated by flashing images on a small laptop screen propped up on both of their laps.

_'I'm the only one who can satisfy Victor. I'm the only one in the world who knows Victor's love. I'll prove that now!'_

Well, that certainly answered the question she didn't ask. She reached inside her bag and pulled out a soft Makkachin plush that Ino had given her for her own birthday in the spring, and immediately hurled it at the two men now staring wide-eyed at Yuuri's figure skating performance.

"Sakura-chaaaaaaaaaaaannnn!" That was Naruto.

"Why are you mad?! The fruit's done!" And that would be Sasuke.

She sighed, "I told you to be ready before five didn't I? Come on, let's get a move on, hurry hurry!"

"But I want to finish the rest of Yuri on Ice! It's so good!" Naruto complained, but he still shrugged on his suit jacket; a black one with embroidered silk brocade lapels, and an off-white pocket square threaded with red swirling details.

"...It is good. Victor is very... elegant, and Yuuri is charming," Sasuke added, buttoning up his own coat; this one a dark grey with navy blue pinstripes, complete with a jet black pocket square and matching black tie.

They looked hot, and Ino would totally love it, so Sakura smiled again; but it was also a little strange. After all, Naruto still walked around the village with a custom orange flak jacket under his Hokage coat, and Sasuke still pulled out a man-skirt every once in a while.

Sakura raised an eyebrow. "When did you guys start dressing so...?"

"Ahhh," Naruto scratched his cheek, "Well, actually, _we_ didn't buy these outfits. We got a package from Orochimaru about an hour ago with these clothes in them, and a request to wear them tonight."

Sasuke rolled his eyes, "I still don't see what was so wrong with what we were going to wear," gesturing towards a heap of orange, and some overly-flowy dark fabric.

Sakura straight up laughed. Some things would never change; gay, bi, straight or whatever - Naruto was Naruto, and Sasuke was Sasuke, and that meant two things;

1) They loved each other to the ends of the Earth.

2) They had no fucking clue how to dress like adults.

She continued laughing all the way to the party; one of her best friends on each of her arms. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to Ness, Dagitab, DreamingofDragon, jellyfysh, Applefritter and Lily for their comments, and everyone who has supported me through kudos, bookmarking and subscribing! I really appreciate it.
> 
> If you have the time, please let me know what you think of these entries as well. Your comments, criticisms and suggestions really inspire me and I'm so grateful to receive them!
> 
> As always, Take Care!


	10. Epilogue 2: Thank You/Miss You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is yet another epilogue chapter! This one is based off of my early promise to flush out parts of the second chapter, when Sakura and Hinata were debating about the ways that each of the boys would top. I couldn't fit both of the girls' thoughts into one chapter, so please wait for the other one as well! As I said before, this one directly follows the events of the previous epilogue chapter. It also contains some Ino x Sakura (my favorite GL ship in Naruto) but there isn't much explicit GL content here. 
> 
> But there is some explicit BL content, so I've officially hiked the rating up to E!
> 
> I hope that you can enjoy!

Ino flounced into Sakura's office for lunch a few days later; her hair and make-up done-up even nicer than usual, holding a basket in one hand and a pink envelope in the other, emboldened with the word 'Thank You!' in her very best calligraphy.

"Thanks for throwing me such a fabulous birthday party! I made lunch, and got your secretary to block off an extra long lunch break so that you can finally  _relax,_ " Ino explained, laying the envelope on her desk, and busying herself taking out and arranging all of the food she had brought.

The two had a fantastic lunch, with all of Sakura's favorites; anko dumplings, umeboshi, and of course, nothing spicy. Ino was positively beaming by the end of it, apparently thrilled that Sakura enjoyed herself; though why such an regular occurrence would please her so much after almost two decades of friendship escaped Sakura, who looked a bit confused.

"I know, I know! It's not such a big deal that we throw parties for each other, and cook for each other, and enjoy our time together, but I'm just so elated today! I don't even know what's put me in such a good mood either!" she said, smiling wide the whole while.

That was a blatant lie. Indeed, she had actually just passed by Sasuke’s house on the way over to work that morning, and was treated to a very beautiful scene of him and Naruto sweetly spooning each other in the soft sunlight of the early morning. Sasuke had evidently come home a few days early because Shikamaru had warned her that Naruto would be sulking until _at least_ midway through next week (when Sasuke had been set to return).

Obviously, Ino was glad that her friend was home, safe and sound, but more than that - his early return had felt like a good omen for Ino’s OWN plans, and she wanted to _squeal, it was going to be such a good day._

Sakura shook her head, but began smiling too. Ino was so extra sometimes, but she was happy to have her in her life. Her energy and confidence had always brightened how she viewed her own life and made her value herself more than she used to.

Not that she would ever say so, out-loud.

That's not the sort of thing that friends said to each other, after all. And although Sakura often rationalized that that was because it was just understood, and there was no point in making things explicitly heavy with emotion; sometimes she wondered if it was because most friends did not feel so deeply inspired and changed by their best friend…

She was too embarrassed to say anything about it either way.

Sakura was happy to have Ino in her life as they currently stood with each other; after an awkward post-war re-start they had become better friends than ever before. Ino mattered to Sakura, a lot, and she saw no reason to risk it for… Well, for anything, even if she did sometimes get the sense that she was internally hiding from herself.

Suddenly, Ino sighed, "Don't you ever get tired of keeping so many thoughts all to yourself in that head of yours? You should just tell people, specifically me, what's on your mind!...I mean, I do know that it's a roomy head and all, but-,"

Sakura kicked her under her chair. Not expecting the kick (although she really, really should have after all these years) Ino fell flat on her back, and gasped out loud. One of her heels fell off and clattered to the floor and it made Ino suddenly burst out into laughter.

Sakura, for some reason, couldn't help it either, staring at her friend whose legs were dangling in the air - one shoe on and one shoe off - and started laughing too. They didn't even stop laughing to notice Karin walking in, holding a stack of files, and wordlessly laying them on a dresser to the side. The redhead rolled her eyes and wondered just what everyone in Konoha was smoking.

Eventually, however, Sakura wiped the tears of mirth from her eyes, walked over, and pulled the chair back into it's proper position; and Ino slipped her shoes back on, smoothing out her skirt too.

It was a nice skirt, Sakura noticed; falling just at her knees in an A-line cut; a soft layer of pink tulle over a darker purple satiny fabric. She distinctly remembered telling Ino to try on a skirt that looked just like that when it was a new item at the fancy new international boutique that opened up near the trade routes, only that one had been a little too small and too short to wear to work. This one was just her size, and emphasized the lean lines of her legs, and the swell of her hips when she crossed her legs. It was a subtle sort of sexy; professional in its modest length, but cut and draped just right to make people want to stare, run their hands below its hem, up her thighs...

"There you go again, spacing out!" Ino said, moving forward to cup her hand around Sakura's delicate jawline. Sakura noticed that the pupils in her big blue eyes were dilated. Dilated?

"...I'd ask you more about it, but unfortunately, I have to get going," Ino said.

She walked to the door of Sakura's office and turned around, "I'll see you! Probably sooner, rather than later." And then, with a wink and wave, she was gone.

With a slight blush on her face, (and just where was that heat coming from?) the Dean of Medicine decided to open and read the pink envelope.

**Sasuke -X- Naruto**

_For Sakura Haruno_

_When Sasuke comes back home from his missions; horny, impatient, wanting to drown himself in his lover's embrace after so so long -_ _he can't help but lose his control; lose the calm demeanor he normally dons - under the strength of his desires. It's lucky for him that Naruto is so good at obliging him._

_Sasuke likes it when Naruto raises himself onto his knees, tan legs spread slightly apart, and clutches a pillow in trembling arms, biting the fabric to suppress his whines when Sasuke licks him up the length of his back, marks the delicious skin of his neck. Sasuke knows that the marks will disappear soon enough, but he can't help himself; can't help how much he loves the red color blooming across Naruto's tanned skin after he bites and sucks, wanting to leave his trace, however temporary, on him after missing him for so long._

_He likes to get Naruto all nicely hot and bothered; tracing patterns with his tongue down his strong arms, his defined abs, his collarbone, his inner thighs. Then, he likes to move his tongue and his fingers into his entrance; working him until the rim of his hole is pink and puffy from Sasuke's tongue plunging in and out of him, the feeling of being fingered open in preparation for how Sasuke was going to fuck him with his cock. He likes to bite the sensitive juncture where his thighs meet his ass, pushing him to the point where the blond desperately twists around and begs him for more - solely with his beautiful blue eyes - so that Sasuke can shove him face first into the pillow and have him like an animal; dirty, hard, hot. Sasuke likes to bottom out on his first thrust, picking up a brutal pace that shakes the bed frame and drives into Naruto’s prostate hard enough to make him see white. Lips wet from his panting, cock rubbing against the fabric of the sheets below, he looks so desperate that Sasuke can’t help but grin, and take him deeper._

_Then, when Naruto is on the verge of ecstasy, he likes to slow down to a painfully slow pace and perversely gaze at the place where his body thrusts into Naruto's, tracing the rim of his entrance, squeezing down around his cock, with the tips of his fingers. And as Naruto grows more and more desperate for release, Sasuke uses his Sharingan to memorize the way his hole stretches wantonly around his length, sucking him in as deep as it can, silently begging to be pounded into the mattress._ _Sasuke likes to torture him, moving just a little faster, barely brushing him where he wants it - drawing whine after whine out of his lover._

_Later, when Naruto is busy playing innocent and charming as Konoha's Savior, Sasuke will re-watch the memories and fist his own cock to the sweet, hot sounds Naruto makes trying to take him in deeper, aching for him, the side of him that nobody else knows._

_He likes to torture him like this so that when Naruto, hysterical with want, tries to reach down and bring himself off, he can slam his hands above his head and growl into his ear that he doesn't get off unless he begs for it. Naruto is so far gone, body trembling in arousal that he doesn't even protest. He clenches his eyes shut, fists the sheets beneath him, and screams that he needs Sasuke's cock fucking him now, and that he needs him to fill him with his cum, needs him to make him his on every level; that he's the only one who can make him feel this way, and that heloveshim._

_Sasuke likes to suck hard him right below his ear, over his pulse point, and move his hands over his chest, telling him that he's the sexiest thing he's ever seen, and that of course he would; would always, since he's the only one who can satisfy him. And before Naruto can make a single sound, he lifts his hips up with both hands and fucks him so mercilessly, that Naruto can do nothing but scream as he drowns in such pleasure and intensity that he can't even remember his own name._ _Naruto, with his stamina, always comes several times in a row, but the last time, he does so right after Sasuke, the sensation of being filled up, pushing him over the edge as black spots cloud his vision, urging him to slip into unconsciousness._

 _Sasuke likes to pull out as slowly as possible, watching every drop of his essence drip down Naruto's exhausted, quivering legs. It feels good to have him like this; loose and pliant in his arms, wanting him so much that he lets Sasuke see him like this, have him like this, trust him, even though Sasuke could do anything to him like this._ _The Seventh Hokage of Konoha on his knees, dripping with Sasuke Uchiha's cum running down his trembling legs, glistening on his skin. The reality of the situation threatens to make him hard again._

_But when Naruto turns to him with a slow smile, he feels his heart fill with such tender affection, he doesn't know what he should do with himself. He likes to leave the room and try to compose the pounding heart and racing thoughts that Naruto always managed to give him; coming back with a washcloth and some water for both of them. He's satisfied now, control back in place after his heart is filled with Naruto and the security he gives him; has always given him._

_He likes to fall asleep spooning Naruto from the back, with their bodies pressed so close that he can't feel where he ends and Naruto begins. Then, when he can hear Naruto begin to snore, he likes to kiss him on the crown of his head and tell him he loves him. He kisses Naruto's lips, and pretends he can't see Naruto's grin in response. He doesn’t know how he managed to luck out, to catch Naruto in his arms, but now that he’s here, he knows he’ll never let him go._

_X_

_Actually, I lied; you also have the rest of the day off! Go home, get in the bath I prepared for you, and then... well, you'll find out when it happens :)_

_It should be illegal to act the way you do, teasing me with how cute you are, looking at me with your bright green eyes full of love, lust; how long did you think that I could hold out for? I thought you might want to be the one to ask me out, since I was the one who initiated many firsts in our relationship, but then I decided that I was definitely not patient enough to wait even one more day to finally… Well, come home and find out?_

_Yours,_

_Ino_

"I-Ino..." Sakura's voice was small and tight as she sat at her desk, staring at the last words of the hand-delivered letter gripped in her trembling hands. She heard a bell toll from somewhere outside her office and startled up right. Uncomfortably, she shifted where she sat; she felt that she was wet, and it made the fabric of her panties stick to her, and made her head race with thoughts of how the rest of her night might turn out.

She sprinted home, not noticing the twinkling sound of laughter coming from just outside her office window.

'I mean I'm pretty versatile too,' Ino thought, running home after her, a few minutes later, ‘And it’s not that I don’t think Sakura shouldn’t get to top me...'

She leaped in through the bedroom window, running her fingers through her long blond hair. The sunlight glinted off of the light-colored strands and formed an ethereal halo around her person, making her look regal and powerful, if Ino didn’t say so herself. She grinned at her own reflection, standing up to her full height; taller than Sakura.

‘But I'm definitely topping tonight; the light's just right, I look great, so maybe it just feels like the kind of day that blonds get to have their fun? Sasuke should watch out too, haha!’

Ino shook her head at her own ridiculous thoughts, and silently slipped out of her clothes.

***

"Achoo!" Sasuke rubbed at his nose, eyebrows raised in confusion.

Naruto sat up from where he was crouched between Sasuke's spread legs, and pulled his fingers out of him; trying not to moan from how hard Sasuke clamped down around him as Naruto drew back. He moaned anyways.

"You're sick? I mean, I know that you're not me, but that's really rare!" He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, figuring that he probably should not be fingering or blowing his sick boyfriend; even though they had just been getting to the good part. Damn.

Naruto held in a sigh with much difficulty, “Let’s stop here for tonight then.”

Sasuke shook his head. "No... I don't think that I'm sick," he mused, meeting Naruto's questioning look with a shrug, "More like a random chill. And I want you to continue...You haven't fucked me in weeks," he said slowly, deliberately rolling his hips up, and pulling Naruto’s body down towards his own. “Don’t stop now.”

Naruto still looked mildly troubled, but then suddenly, he grinned, “Maybe it's that kind of sneeze, the one you get when someone's talking about you?~"

Naruto winked, and Sasuke pinched one of his whiskered cheeks, trying to hide a grin himself, "Yeah,  _you_  are," he said, "I could have heard your sighing and longing for me all the way from Kiri, and that's before Shikarmaru phoned me to come home so you wouldn’t peste-  _ahhn!_ "

Naruto leaned down and sunk three of his fingers deep into his lover, yet again, curling them up and into his prostate. "Well if you’re healthy, then I'm continuing!" he said, with a cheeky wink, but Naruto was also blushing a little.

His lover wasn't wrong after all; when Sasuke was on his mission, Naruto  _had_ been missing him. But only just a little.

Sasuke rolled his eyes and looked up at Naruto, as he reached over to the nightstand for more lubricant. The blond squeezed some out onto his hands and leaned back, beginning to stroke himself, liberally coating his erection. The sweat dripped off of his forehead; rolling down his face, gathering in the dips of his collarbone. His hair was damp too, glistening in the late afternoon sunlight in stark contrast to the intensity behind his blue eyes.

Sasuke bit his lips and looked away. The dobe always looked good (not that he needed to know) but the way he looked now…

Sasuke parted his legs a little wider, hissing when Naruto sank his length into him, hips pressed hard into the back of his trembling thighs. He reached up to kiss his lips, and rake his fingers through his hair; running his hands over the smooth skin of his face, until Naruto sucked two of his fingers into his mouth, biting down a little when he picked up the pace of his thrusts.

Sasuke groaned in frustration.

Just when did this moron get so _hot?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to all of you for the comments, kudos, and bookmarks on this story! Special shout out to Applefritter, Lily, DreamingofDragon, Ness, and Cori Hitt for taking the time to share their thoughts; I'm so ecstatic to have been able to talk to you guys about Naruto, and I'd like to get even more of your feedback (I'm a glutton, lol).
> 
> Take care! (It's getting so cold where I live, stay warm and toasty, y'all.)


	11. Epilogue 3: It's Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY BIRTHDAY NARUTO! As a present, please take this penultimate epilogue chapter of Who's On Top, featuring you - being the fantastic Hokage that we all know you can be - and your boyfriend, Sasuke, and your best friend, Sakura, and her girlfriend, Ino, and the whole damn cast being extra cute and fluffy, just for YOU.
> 
> This chapter also features a lot more Hinata than I've ever written before! I love Hinata, but feel that she got robbed by the narrative, so I evolved her character development as I saw fit! I also have always wanted to write a Hyuuga-reconciliation fic, so here's a quick scene of my interpretation of how that would happen (in my ideal world)! 
> 
> I hope that all of you can enjoy this chapter as well! It's the longest one yet! Happy reading~

It was a beautiful day in Konoha; one that perfectly fit the momentous occasion. All of the major ninja families were congregated in a beautiful clearing atop the Hokage monument, shaking hands, and smiling softly at one another; as befitting a nation in peace. Although, the picturesque scene probably wouldn't be idyllic for much longer, after the press conference was over; but for now, Naruto couldn't help smiling.

Realizing this day was something that had been on his mind for a very long time, and now that they were finally here, making it happen...

"I can't believe this is really happening, huh?" he mused, trying for a light tone to match his close-eyed grin. But his voice came out too low and raspy; betraying his true feelings. He looked out at the scene before him and felt his throat clench, "Feels like-, I don't know-, it's…"

Sasuke put a hand on his back, moving in close beside him, "I feel it too; even though, it'll be a mess…" he warned, giving his lover a small comforting squeeze, but also sounding nervous as all hell. "It'll work out; if we all work together... I can't believe I'm saying this, but I believe in us - believe in a Konoha that can be better under your leadership." Naruto reached around him, and squeezed him tight too.

Tsunade raised a glass of champagne - non-alcoholic - to commemorate the occasion, "It's a new era for all of us," she said with a grin.

"If we can have your attention, please!" called Hinata Hyuuga; her normally delicate voice ringing clear and strong across the crowd. Her eyes looked set, determined as Naruto had never seen them before; and he felt a sense of pride swell up in him to finally see her come into her own.

She took a deep breathe, and began speaking, "Today's meeting has been called in order to communicate some very important facts about The Cage Bird Seal; the mark that has been a figurative and literal stain on the Hyuuga clan's organizational structure for several decades."

The crowd stilled, shocked into dead silence, but then it burst into commotion at the brand new Hyuuga clan head's bold declaration. Hinata tried to call for order but was ignored, until everyone noticed Akamaru and several other Inuzuka dogs begin to growl in fury; Kiba looking a little (secretly) proud from his position at her right hand.

When they finally calmed down, she continued again, "Athough there have been individual members of the clan, and people from other clans, who have criticized this heinous practice; thus far, they have had limited success… and fatalistic consequences."

Hanabi Hyuuga raised a hand to her sister's shoulder, and the two nodded solemnly at each other before Hinata gestured to their own father, "And that is because people like us - people of the 'Main Family,' if you'll excuse the antiquated language - have been adamant about maintaining the practice. That is… a shameful truth that we will have to acknowledge for as long as the Hyuuga clan remains."

At this point, Neji lowered his eyes to the floor; prompting Lee and Tenten to move closer behind him, protective and concerned, with Gai sensei unusually looking very serious as well.

"But all that changes now." Hinata stated with finality, "Even though we haven't been branding people like  _cattle_ for several years now, since I ascended at the very least..." Here, she was forced to momentarily pause; smiling a little as some people (Hyuuga and non-Hyuuga members alike) cheered raucously.

"…Our work is not over!" she said, looking to the entire crowd, "We will work day and night with the newly founded Konoha Medical Ninjutsu Research Centre to reverse all of the seals performed, the Academy, to ensure that our history, no matter how dark and problematic, is known by our descendants, and ANBU, to make sure these sorts of practices stay a relic of the past."

Iruka, Sakura, and Sasuke all stepped forward, bowing low when Hinata herself began clapping, and indicating each of them in turn. Then, it was Sasuke's turn to speak, "We will be advocating for stronger bureaucratic  _and_ clan transparency from here on out, and seeking punitive and restorative measures against past failures. Take this is a warning, a threat, an idealistic dream, a joyous revelation, or whatever else you will…" he said, voice tense but clear as he spoke.

All around him was pin-drop silence.

He raised his prosthetic hand, and placed it over his heart, "For so long, we have allowed people to suffer because of our narcissism, fears, and bloated clan-prides; to the detriment of everyone. If we have problems, let us try and tackle them honestly and head-on; with respect to due process and human rights; children's rights in particular. Let there be no more Hizashi Hyuugas… Or Itachi Uchihas… Or Naruto Uzumakis that need to bare the burden of our villages' failures and fears on their own shoulders… We are supposed to be a village, a community; so let's start acting like one."

Sasuke met Naruto's watery eyes with a small trembling smile, as the crowd burst into commotion.

There certainly were a lot of angry clans leaders who approached everyone involved afterwards; especially Naruto, for sanctioning this kind of bold action. They were outraged at being publicly blindsided by such a big revelation, and the threat of such invasive investigation into their 'private' clan on-goings, but somehow – with all of his friend's hopeful faces in the foreground, background, and everywhere else in between, and Sasuke's comforting heat never more than an arm's length away – Naruto felt invincible.

* * *

"When did you even have the time to write those speeches, hm?" Sakura asked, when they got home that evening; and Ino slid off her white cardigan to hang up in the closet, "I know when I'm listening to  _you_  even when it's Hinata and Sasuke that are speaking, you know... You always write like you're screen-writing some cross between  _The King's Speech_ and an after school T.V. special... As if Sasuke came up with 'We are supposed to be a village, a community.'"

Ino laughed, nodding in agreement because Sakura was totally true. "Well, initially, it was just that Hinata was struggling with striking an appropriate tone... and Sasuke was… Well, Sasuke was just struggling all around," she explained, walking over to Sakura to help her remove her pink pearl necklace.

Sakura raised an eyebrow, and pulled her hair away from the back of her neck. "Yeah. I'll bet," she deadpanned, "Did he want to threaten every dissenter with his sharingan, or his rinnegan?"

"Surprisingly, neither!" Ino said in a considering tone, "This time he went straight for threats of castration. It was somehow gorier than just a plain death threat, and I figured it was probably something to do with-."

"Orochimaru. Of course." Sakura shuddered at the thought of the snake sannin spending hours practicing and perfecting castration methods for peak efficacy and pain, but then composed herself, "I mean Orochimaru's technique has been useful though; of course, beyond it's obvious uses for maiming people, I can't say that I have never prescribed it as 'recommended treatment' for human traffickers and rapists... Would have liked to prescribe it for Danzou… You know, for his... Mental problems," she confessed, rolling her darkened green eyes.

Ino felt a shiver too; her girlfriend was so hot when she spoke about eliminating and torturing the dregs of humanity.

"Amen to that," Ino agreed, walking over to her office desk and picking up a lavender colored envelope entitled, 'Hinata, Cheers! For the Future' with a little heart sticker on the back, "But when used right, words can be just as powerful as weapons… And it's time people started using their words first..." She summoned a shadow clone and handed her the letter, nodding once as she viewed her own figure take off into the sunset, towards the Hyuuga compound.

"Well, now that it's over, Hinata definitely needs to take a break to-OO!?" Ino cried, suddenly swept off of her feet into Sakura's strong arms; lithe and pale, and wrapped effortlessly around her waist and legs.

Sakura's green eyes twinkled in bemusement at her girlfriend's little yelp, "Yeah, yeah, we all know what your idea of a relaxing break is."

Ino winked at her, twirling a strand of Sakura's pink hair in her fingers, "Hopefully Kiba will too!"

* * *

**Naruto - X- Sasuke**

_For Hinata Hyuuga_

_Naruto's favorite part of sex is the foreplay and the teasing - so naturally he likes to drag the process out for much longer than his impatient Uchiha partner would prefer. Biting down onto the back of his hand, Sasuke struggles not to moan as Naruto licks hot trails down his chest, pausing at all of his familiar sensitive spots, to suck and bite down harder. Naruto likes to draw his nipples into his mouth and roll his tongue against the small buds until they are hard and wet and Sasuke's whines edge on just the right side of painful._

_By the time Naruto reaches his hard length, Sasuke's hand looks like its been in a blender from trying to keep himself quiet, and he's plucked out at least a handful of Naruto's blond hair in frustration. It's pointless, but Naruto thinks that it's cute that Sasuke tries to keep his sounds down so much; as though Naruto was some kind of idiot who would miss how hard Sasuke was, or how his hips kept bucking up, rubbing their erections together for more. So desperate for more._

_In an uncharacteristic display of cruelty, Naruto loves to bend over and simply breathe as delicately as possible over Sasuke's cock, running feather-light barely there touches up and down his length. If he was not so caught up in not cumming early, Sasuke would be impressed by Naruto's gentleness and subtlety; but here, it just makes him pant harder and harder. Naruto, luckily, is a people-pleaser at heart - especially when it came to his cute tsun boyfriend - and is happy to end Sasuke's woes by swallowing him down as deep as he can go; sucking and nibbling, and eliciting the most vulnerable sounds from the man beneath him._

_He likes it when Sasuke grips his shoulders with long, anxious fingers, urging him to pull off when he gets too close, as though Naruto was adverse to swallowing him down. He wasn't adverse, of course. In fact, Naruto_   _likes to pull off slightly, and suck on just his dripping wet head, so that when Sasuke cums, he can drink his cum down properly. With a boyish grin, Naruto likes to move up back over his lover, and kiss him full force, making sure that Sasuke can taste himself too. When he moves back and settles between Sasuke's legs, he likes to comment on his current taste in comparison to previous times._ _He likes it just a little too much when Sasuke blushes profusely, and calls him a stupid dobe, refusing to meet his eyes._

 _Naruto always enjoys watching Sasuke act so cute, but he also likes how when he tilts his chin up - so that Sasuke is given no choice but to look at him or close his eyes - Sasuke won't back down. B_ _ecause they both know that he's too proud. And Naruto likes that side of him too; loves it in fact._

_He doesn't like to think of sex as a battle or anything, but he likes how Sasuke is still himself when they finally get down to having sex; not some whole other person. After the war, Naruto had found many women tripping over themselves to spread their legs for him, and he had always hated how ridiculously different they all became; so submissive and saccharine, like they thought Naruto liked to have sex with some kind of blow up doll with bouncing tits._

_He likes how Sasuke feels the same; both in his assessment of those girls, and how in the bedroom Sasuke is the same Sasuke that makes Naruto lose his mind from how much he can't stop thinking about him, and his dirty mouth, and his arrogance, and his passion, and his_  smile.

_When he makes sure that Sasuke is well-prepared from his fingers, (maybe too well-prepped, Naruto can't stop watching the way he pants and squeezes around his finger, bucking his hips up and mewling for more) Naruto likes to lift the other's legs to wrap around his waist, so that he can slide into him like that; holding him tight in his arms, and kissing him breathless as he adjusts to his size. Naruto likes to start a slow pace, grinding hard and forceful into the other's body, spurred on by the soft groans and labored pants he hears in the sexy voice he adores so much. He likes that Sasuke digs his fingers hard into his back when he pulls him down by his shoulders; likes that Sasuke wants to mark him as his, just as much as Naruto does._

_Sasuke's pale skin is covered with scars; a fair number carved into his body by Naruto himself. He likes to add a few more in the form of bites hard enough to bruise high up on his neck and behind his ears, where he can't cover with the collar of his shirt. He's possessive; can't have all those women thinking they still have a chance._

_And Naruto likes it when they finish together - so when he can't control himself for another moment, he rams into Sasuke a few more times and tugs on Sasuke's cock between them in tandem, stroking him just on the pleasurable side of painful as they lose themselves in each other. Wordlessly, as much of everything they do, they both come down from their highs and adjust themselves to lie beside each other - foreheads nuzzled together._

_Naruto likes to press his fingers deep into Sasuke's entrance, cleaning his cum out of him in gently, practiced motions, as Sasuke bites his lips, blushing hard. Sasuke always insists that he can do it himself, but Naruto likes the blissed-out look on his face when he brushes his fingers deep against his inner walls far too much to let him. Sometimes, it gets him hard enough to go a second round; although Sasuke often whines that it's too much too close; he's never too opposed when Naruto leans up and presses his cockhead to his red lips, letting Sasuke suck him off, cumming all over his lips, down his throat, splattering on his pale, blushing face._

_"I love you," he likes to say at last, when they are huddled into their sheets, clean and changed into new clothes._ _Naruto doesn't like it so much when Sasuke calls him a 'sap.' but in their last moments of consciousness, he likes it when Sasuke kisses his forehead and whispers, "Me too."_

_***_

_Hello, Sweetheart!_

_I've truly outdone myself with that one! And great job on the meeting today; you were fantastic! And so, I figured maybe you could enjoy some quality erotica before you allow yourself to let Kiba take care of you tonight (or every night)? You deserve it._

_And if I know Kiba, (and you know that I know everyone), he should be somewhere nearby... Have you noticed how fast his responses are when it comes to serving your needs? No? Ah, well then you will soon. Especially since he was basically half-hard in his pants seeing you kick-ass in the afternoon…_

_He's grown up with such strong women around him (as I'm sure you know) so I think he subconsciously associates female strength with family and love?_ _Especially when those traits are expressed by you, sweet and strong and so beautiful in your Hyuuga regalia today – it's the perfect combination! How is he supposed to control himself?_

_Even though, of course, Kiba is a gentle guy - a true catch in a world where men just want weak housewives._

_Muah!_

_Ino_

* * *

Hinata read the letter with one eye peeking out from between her fingers, blushing red from her feet, up to the roots of her hair. "That's completely preposterous!" she blurted aloud to her empty bedroom, "Kiba would never-, has never-,"

She groaned; still light-headed from reading Ino's erotica; it made her feel like she couldn't control her thoughts - but still! She shook her head fast, as though to physically rattle the unruly thoughts in her head... Because despite all the images in her head of Kiba encouraging her to be more confident over the past decade, the many small moments where he had taken the time to make sure that she never felt awkward for being a girl, the resigned smile he wore when she had spoke about liking Naruto, his insistence that she was just as strong as either he or Shino, when she set her mind to it; she knew that Kiba did not like her like that!

...Why would he?

Ino was right about one thing, Kiba was best suited to being with a strong girl; one who could keep up with him, and laugh with him as an equal - someone who knew him (including, yes, all of his indelicate parts) and embraced them. Because Kiba was  _good_ ; he saw how people stigmatized his mother for being a single parent, how they thought his sister was too aggressive, and called them out for being bigoted and stupid.

Kiba was strong and genuine; loyal to the good people around him, willing to die for his loved ones, and committed to doing the right thing regardless of how it looked to others.

Compared to him…

She felt like she had found some resolve today, but she still felt so weak. Sure, some people saw that as an appealing part of her as a feminine girl. But Hinata didn't think of herself as someone who wanted to be a 'feminine girl,' or whatever; she wanted to be a girl who was an admirable ninja.

The kind of girl that might be admired by someone like Kiba?

"HINATA! Are you alright? I could hear your heartbeat suddenly spike up, and smelt something mysterious and-, oh?" Kiba rounded the corner, skidding a little from how fast he was going before barging into Hinata's room. He looked around confusedly; he had sensed something that had urged him to run here, but now that he  _was_  here, nothing seemed to be the matter.

Hinata hid her face behind Ino's letter, and uncomfortably scrambled back on her bed. "I'm fine! You can go!" She lowered the letter a little, and Kiba could see how glassy her eyes were from underneath her bangs, "You should go…" She mumbled.

Kiba made a questioning sound from the back of his throat, and still stepped forward. "Alright, I don't want to intrude, I know how girls are about their privacy, but something smells really intense in here… And for reason, I can't calm down."

Hinata became acutely aware of how his jacket pulled across the breadth of his shoulder when he raised an arm to thread his fingers through his hair in confusion, and felt something pull in her stomach; maybe even lower.

Had anyone mentioned how attractive he had become recently too? Not that he was unattractive before; he was cute and wild and a little erratic. But these days, his wildness had settled deep into his body; edging on dangerous, and sexy - especially when combined with the confidence he had acquired since his jounin promotion. Girls wanted him; wanted to cut themselves on the sharpness of his teeth, be pleasured by his long, flexible, nimble fingers.

Oh God. She was going to have very  _strong words_ with Ino if she survived this.

"Kiba, wait-," she tried, feeling herself get wet against her underwear, the heat rising in her body.

He suddenly put his hand on her forehead, bending over, "Are you sure you're alright?"

Hinata moaned a little at the contact, and she could see his eyes dilate in response; in realization. She pulled back a little, biting her lip, and he looked shocked, maybe even upset?

"Oh.  _Oh._ I'll… Sorry, I'll step out," he said, self-consciously tugging at his shirt. Hinata could see from the awkward way he was holding himself that… Maybe he was aroused too. By her.

Hinata instinctively grabbed his arm; blushing, but she didn't faint – her eyes were clear.

With Kiba, she never felt that she needed to faint – had never felt that he was an unknowable figure that she could project her fantasies onto, and treat him according to how she imagined him to be. It's hard to admit, but it's what she had done with Naruto; construct an image of him in her head that she pretended was real and attainable, and grew absurdly faint just thinking about. (Of course, that didn't mean that the real Naruto wasn't a good man; he was. But he was a different man than what Hinata had thought, had wanted for herself; he was more obsessive, emotional, and self-destructive, and already madly in love with Sasuke.)

But Kiba wasn't someone she needed to get embarrassed around because he wouldn't judge her even if she took a risk; because he knew her as a whole person.

"Wait, Kiba, I… think that I… want you to stay," she said, voice quiet and strained, but steady, "I want… You. I like you."

"Me? Not Naruto?" Kiba asked in a light voice, but he looked a little insecure. Hinata laughed and reached up to kiss him; sweet and chaste. But after he could kiss her back, he found himself yelping in equal parts shock and arousal as she placed her hands over the bulge in his pants, and squeezed.

She shook her head no. "I only want Naruto to be with Sasuke!" she giggled, and giggled some more at Kiba's confused look.

However, he was soon quickly distracted from his confusion when she reached her hands under his shirt, whispered her desires in his ear; in fact, Kiba didn't think of anything else but  _her_  for the rest of the night.

* * *

"Achoo! Whoa!" Naruto exclaimed, rubbed at his nose and laughing, "I've caught a cold! I've never caught a cold!"

Sasuke groaned and pulled out of his lover; at least this time they were only interrupted after they had both cum, so at least that was a small victory. The other time, Naruto had made sure that he wasn't sick for a good several minutes before he finally penetrated him; and that had been absolute torture.

Although, even now, it was difficult to clean his semen out of Naruto when the other man kept laughing; imagining different scenarios about who could be talking about him now.

"It doesn't matter," Sasuke called from the washroom, flushing their used tissues and retrieving a fresh comforter, "It was only one sneeze, so they probably weren't thinking about you too hard or anything... Don't flatter yourself."

"Hey!" Naruto cried, and Sasuke tried very hard not to think that he looked cute pouting like that. He failed.

"Besides," Sasuke continued, rolling his eyes and climbing into bed too. Abruptly, he looked away; trying to hide a small smile, "Aren't you tired anyways?" he asked.

He couldn't believe he was going to say this; make this kind of joke.

He needed to stop hanging out with Ino.

Naruto shook his head no, his eyes crinkled up in confusion, "Tired?"

"Well..." Sasuke started again, in his best deadpan tone, "...Since you've been running through  _my_ head all day, and all."

He finally let his smile spread across his face, fully accepting his own embarrassing self when it came to his feelings towards the other. And Naruto proceeded to launch every object he could get his hands on at Sasuke, smiling the whole while, and yelling, "I cannot believe people think that your dumbass is  _smooth!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to all of my fantastic readers for supporting me thus far! I feel so blessed on this auspicious day of Naruto's birthday. Special thanks to pies_n_ties, DreamingOfDragon, Ness, Lily and Applefritter for their comments - (and g.o.d. for constantly showing up and flaming me) - and to everyone who gave me kudos and added me to their bookmarks. I would love to receive more and more of your feedback so that I can write better and better content for you guys! 
> 
> Take Care of yourselves! Much love ♡


	12. Epilogue 4: Icha Icha Ino

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At this point, I should just stop pretending that this story is done; I'm fully just integrating an entire world into the Who's On Top universe as I please. Please forgive me; and know that even though I am a ridiculous person - I love you all very very much. 
> 
> Please enjoy this new chapter. (~ *= w =*)~
> 
> P. S. I find the way that Japanese people use kanji to be really interesting; so I had a little too much fun creating the pseudonyms. Please forgive my nerdiness. ♡

Before long, Ino had managed to cajole Naruto into giving her the rights to Icha Icha Paradise. Insisting that Jiraiya’s legacy was far too great to sit around and collect dust, she claimed that she knew just the way to ‘properly honour his important contributions to literature’ (her words, not his).

It had sounded a little ridiculous to Naruto, but he couldn’t pretend like they weren’t popular books. So when Ino promised to give forty-nine percent of all the new proceeds to his new inter-village aid fund for orphaned children (and another forty-nine to Sakura’s and Tsunade’s campaign to _finally_ include one medic ninja in every four man ninja squad), he acquiesced.

“I mean this is probably what the Pervy Sage would have wanted, right?” he had rationalized, signing the copyright transfer forms.

But then he felt shivers run up his spine, looking at Ino’s over-excited, vigorously nodding face, “You’re not going… to do anything too weird, right?” he asked.

Ino just laughed, neatly folding the legal documents into a bright green folder and tucking that into an enormous shoulder bag over-flowing with papers. In fact, she kept laughing all the way to the Psych Ward of the Hospital.

Naruto felt his eye twitch; but what was the worst thing that could happen right?

***

Several months later, Sasuke stormed into the Hokage office; kicking down the door with enough force that Naruto startled awake. (He had just been working out what the new genin teams were going to look like this year, and was tired enough that his vision was going a little cross-eyed; but he had _promised_ Shikamaru the day off and was determined to finish up before he came back.)

“I’m going to sue Yamanaka Ino for every dollar in her stupid designer handbag, _and_ both of her giggling editors,” Sasuke said, reaching into his coat to pull out a huge sheaf of papers and slamming them onto Naruto’s desk, “I hope they’re enjoying their last meals as free women in Sunagakure with Shikamaru and Temari.”

Naruto wiped his watery eyes with the back of his hand and blinked. “Wait; isn’t it Shikamaru’s anniversary? Wasn’t that what the holiday was for?... What’s going on; what’re they doing there third-wheeling?” Naruto asked.

Sasuke reached down and pinched one of Naruto’s scarred cheeks between his fingers, “Usuratonkachi, Shikamaru’s anniversary was last month; we bought them toys for the baby, don’t you remember?”

Naruto squinted, but then he smiled remembering, “Oh yeah! Shikadai was so cute; his little cheeks were so squishy when he pouted and tried to solve that puzz- _ahh~”_ The Seventh Hokage yawned deeply, and accidentally sent a stack of papers flying with his outstretched hand, “Whoops!”

Sasuke sighed and grabbed the papers out of the air. He took a seat, already scanning the lists of names before him, “He took the day off for Temari’s birthday this time… Naruto, it’s important to be reliable, but that doesn’t mean you have to do everything yourself… If you tire yourself out doing small things like this; then you won’t be able to do what your _real_ job is after all.”

Naruto looked genuinely taken aback, even through his sleep-deprivation, “What’s my real job?”

Sasuke rolled his eyes, but his voice was soft, “Being the resident dead-last, and keeping all of us sane.”

Naruto winked, giving him a sitting down, lame ‘cool guy pose;’ so Sasuke felt justified in leaning over and ruffling his hair until it stood on end, “What’s with that pose? Don’t get a big head. It’s _mostly_ just being the resident dead last… But I guess it can’t be helped for now; I’ll assist you with the rest of this first-”

“-Oh thank God; I thought that I was going to die here!” Naruto scream-laughed and pumped the air.

“-And then we’ll work on not starting the next world war…” Sasuke trailed off, rolling his eyes; but then they both got to work. Quickly, they assembled the draft lists. By the end, they were fairly confident in their choices; but neither of them was going to pretend that they had anything on Shikamaru’s analytical ability; so they set them aside for his final approval.

“Thank God…” Naruto cracked his knuckles, happy to relax now that his work was over; until it occurred to him.

“What giggling editors?” he asked.

Sasuke scoffed, “Well, Ino’s managed to drag Hinata and Sakura into this too; although I don’t think either of them protested _too_ loudly... Who knows who else is a part of this…”

“Sakura and Hinata? Really?” Naruto grinned brightly, “I guess that makes sense. Sakura was the one who recommended buying that cat eared outfit that you-”

“-Finish that sentence and I’ll _kill_ you-,” Sasuke said menacingly, but also blushing.

Naruto just scratched the side of his nose, “But why? You think that it’s cute when I wear what Hinata recommended! You remember, the little fox ta-”

“-CAN YOU JUST READ THE PAPERS NOW?” Sasuke shouted, panicking. Sure, nobody was around right now; but if Naruto got into the habit of talking about that kind of stuff in public, there was no telling where and when it would slip into casual conversation. They could barely walk down the street as it was without getting leered at…

Naruto sighed, adjusting a little in his seat; he was so busy that they hadn’t had time for anything erotic in weeks, so maybe he was a little wired too.

Still, he leafed through the pages;

***

_~ NEW! Icha Icha Paradise ~_

_I am so honoured that my three latest works have generated so much love and affection from you, my lovely readers. It was worth the risk to venture out into new forms of romance; I am thrilled that you enjoyed the sweet shoujo-ai tales of Momoko and Inoko in Icha Icha Secrets; where our beautiful, genius doctor falls in love with a mysterious and charismatic millionaire hypnotist; and together they escape their emotionally abusive husbands to start a new life_

_And the shounen-ai between Taruto and Dansuke in Icha Icha Bonds; the two young war generals who uncovered a legacy of corruption and betrayal in a touching tale of loss and isolation – their paths diverging and converging; ebbing and flowing like waves meeting a beach shore, as they finally learn how to be happy; how to love_ themselves _enough to be happy._

_They were a true delight to write for you all!_

_But of course, we can’t forget the classic romance of Inutarou and Hinami, the strapping young hunter and the beautiful princess in a kingdom ruled by a wicked king who branded everyone in the land so that they couldn’t escape or understand their own self-worth! Together, they restructure the kingdom and achieve prosperity for all the peasants and royalty alike; under the guidance of the powerful dog deity that watched over their forest._

_So this book brings you the exciting new tales of Iwasuke and Aichirou; two men meeting at a near deadly confrontation at the secret service examination. The stoic and dangerous Aichirou, feared and valorized as a weapon of destruction more than a human - but who is really only a young boy who longs for love; meets Iwasuke, a genius of hard work who is all but considered a joke, despite all his efforts and genuine goodness._

_So what does it mean for a man who is only worthwhile as a weapon, to fall in love with a man who longs to be worthwhile in any way?_

_What does it mean when he is loved back?_

_And what secrets are influencing the exam from behind the scenes?_

_How will our heroes fight back?_

_Coming to a bookstore near you!_

_***_

“Ino’s going to start an international incident and get us all killed. I mean writing stories about Hinata and Kiba, you and I, and Sakura and herself - was awful enough, but at least they were fictional accounts of our real relations - but now she’s gone too far and I want absolutely nothing to do with this when it comes crashing down and we all get recognized. Gaara and Lee-”

“GAARA AND LEE? WHAT?”

“Were you even reading the words on the page? Of course it’s Gaara and Lee! Who else could Aichirou and Iwasuke possibly be? It’s so obvious!”

Naruto thought aloud, “Is it obvious? But I needed Ino to explain everyone else to me in the beginning! Hmm…What did she say again? Momoko was Sakura, because momo is peach and, well, Sakura’s hair is a pink-peach colour. Inoko was obviously Ino; and they’re both ‘ko’ because they’re girls. Inutarou was Kiba, derived from the dog kanji ‘inu’ and ‘tarou’ is because Hinata loved the way that that ending sounds for boys names. - _Oh, and since she’s pregnant and we need to go to the baby shower, remember to schedule that in two Tuesdays from now_.- Hinami was Hinata from the same first kanji for ‘hi,’ and the ‘nami’ is from the romance kanji… Then I was Taroto because it sounds similar; and I also liked the Taro flavour; and you were Dansuke because of the similar end kanji, and since you made Itachi’s birthday Konoha’s Dango Appreciation day, and ‘dan’ is the first kanji from dango; I asked her to-”

“-YOU WHAT?”

“Well, yeah, I make requests! Who do you think requested that one sex scene that takes place in the ‘Land of Tides’ chapter where Taroto makes love to Dansuke after their grueling fight with Hakuko? When Taruto just can’t hold back how he feels about Dansuke; seeking him lying there, prone, having saved him once again that-”

_“-I’m gonna sue you too, Naruto.”_

Naruto humbly allowed Sasuke to yank his ear hard enough that he felt a solid crick in his neck, but then he straightened up immediately, “Oh! Is it because she used ‘iwa’ from the kanji for rock, and then the ‘ai’ from Gaara’s forehead?”

Sasuke smacked his hand down on the desk. “Exactly my point! If even a dobe like you can figure it out in a few minutes, how long before everyone else does?!”

“...I hate to admit it, but you’re right!”

***

“And then I said, ‘Who even picked those colours? This is a love story about two beautiful women and you want to use the classic green and orange colours? Are you insane?!”

Temari and Ino shared a laugh, just as Sakura, Kiba, and Kankuro all high-fived each other at some story that the three of them were conspiring over.

Shikamaru felt remarkably out of his depths.

Ino and Temari had been friends for a while; as the two closest women to him (which at least made some sense).

But he was bewildered to see that Kiba, Kankuro and _Sakura_ were all such pals; even after they had tried to explain it -   _Kankuro and Kiba hit it off sometime after the Sasuke retrieval mission, Kiba and Sakura got close because both of their crushes liked Naruto, Kankuro and Sakura both stayed friends after she saved his life, and the three of them had started a non-profit service that rescued injured ninja animals, provided them medical care, and gave them prosthetic puppet limbs._

It made sense in a way, but it was also really weird. Then again, at this point, what part of his life wasn't weird?

Ino swished her hair over her shoulder and continued, “I mean, is it true that I was partial to the pink and lavender combo from the beginning? Probably, but at least I can admit tha-, _Oh_ , Hello! Please, come join us; I see that you both received copies of the new novels!”

Shikamaru turned his head to look towards the private dining room entrance. In the archway, stood Gaara and Lee; both of them clutching sheafs of paper and wearing matching unreadable expressions.

Ino pulled out a bright purple pen and a matching notebook. “Alright! Let’s get down to business!” She said with a wink.

Gaara blushed red as deep as his hair, and Lee made a noise that sounded like, ‘meep.’

Hinata, who had been resting her head in Kiba’s lap until that point (Sakura had given her a sleep-inducing painkiller to alleviate her morning sickness-induced nausea), sat up and looked at the both of them. “Ah, yes…” she started, voice sounding peacefully reminiscent, “I enjoyed reading the latest GaaLee novel.”

“Wait,” said Sakura, leaning over the table, “Wasn’t it LeeGaa?”

Gaara covered his face in his hands, while Lee tried valiantly to conceal what appeared to be a nosebleed.

Suddenly, there was a crash sound and a swoosh of wind; as Naruto and Sasuke came barreling through a window, crying, "INO, WAIT!" 

Shikamaru downed his and everyone else’s shots, and then laid his head on the table. Weren’t holidays supposed to be _less_ stressful?

LeeGaa? GaaLee?

Shikamaru couldn't _do this_ again!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well; you know this isn't (really) over; might never be over so... Hopefully I'll see you at the next chapter? Honestly, I just love this sweet, happy version of the Naruto cast so I find myself constantly coming back to it!
> 
> If you're craving for more of this type of fluffy content in the mean time though, please consider checking out my other humour/romance NaruSasu & LeeGaa story What Kurama Learned From Naruto's Haircut!!! 
> 
> Link:  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/16279310/chapters/38070380
> 
> As always, I would love to hear your thoughts, and really appreciate your kudos, bookmarks and subscriptions immensely! They brighten up my dreary work days in this cold climate, so thank you! 
> 
> Special shout-outs to my reviewers from the last update; Shira_Taka, sakimac, Naledi, AppleFritter, DreamingofDragon, Lily, and JoDom! Please come talk to me again, and to everyone else as well - I'd love to make your acquaintance (even if all you want to tell me is to learn how to properly finish a story, or that Ino is OOC - I do actually want to know what you liked and disliked to improve)! 
> 
> Take care, loves! ♡


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